I wish there was someone this entertaining in my office.

Yesterday afternoon's entertainment came courtesy of a security officer who works in the same office as my best friend Cass. This security officer had handwritten, photocopied and distributed an advertising sheet for a children's book he had written. Do bear in mind that this book is actually available on Amazon (look up 'Venisian Seed' or Venusian Seed', I can't remember which it was under) and the guy is being deadly serious. I'd like to point out that all spellings and punctuations are the author's own and have absolutely nothing to do with me. This is, word for word, the sheet that Cass faxed over to me yesterday:


Venisian Seed

I am a published author, showing through my book. How Venisian's, from Venus, came onto this earth. In the bible, chapter six, genesis. The son's of god's came down from the sky's. looked upon earthly woman, and found them attractive. So they took them for their mate's.We as earthling's have been interbred into, by a hogher intelligence. The good with in us, is the development, of the Venisian seed in all of us. The bad in us, is ower earthly part of ower animal nature. Earth in inbetween, Venus and Mar's, Mar's as never had any form of life on it. It is still developing toward's life. Before the planet Venu'sbecame a burner, Venus was inhabited, when the planet became a burner, they moved to the earth. As Venisian's came to earth, so we will go to Mar's, when this planet gets too hot to live on. Mar's will have evolved to the stage of early human's. As earthling had done, when Venisian's came onto ower planet. Any form of life, needs water. Mar's as water, frozen at it's north and south pole's. So there is a long time to go, before Mar's will be ready for life. You can follow the Venisian seed, through the bible to jesus. From jesus to spiritulism, from spiritulism to the future. Which is heaven on earth. There is no death, life goe's on for ever moe. Before you were born you was spirit, as a physical body you are spirit. Clothed in the physical body for the purpose of learning. The pysycal will decay. The spirit will then go back to the spirit world, where is origenly came from. The spirit of you, is the true you, and can never die. If you wish to buy a copy, at £5.99p write to the Athena Press.


Blimey. Leaving aside the fact that the actual content is as mad as a box of angry frogs and sounds like the sort of thing my university flatmates would come up with after an evening smoking Ruairi's home grown 'herbal cigarettes', I am baffled as to how someone got right the way through the British schooling system believing that an apostrophe must come before every 's' and that 'our' is spelled 'ower'. Apparently this guy's sister lent him five thousand pounds to get this book published, thereby proving that there really is one born every minute.


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2 Responses

  1. How'd Dair you. My brothers a quite clearly tallentted righter. His theeries are sound when compared to those in the Bibble. Venetians, blind to the waze of the whirled were truley here and have disseminted their creative cede through mankind. You should thank them four you're freedom to create and bee creatives's. I'd have payed £10K if I thought hims message wood have been pubblishened.
    Please bye his book, thank you'.
    S.P. Angry frogs's would not be happy in a box. They'd prefferr a cage.

  2. My favorite line from this outline of his imaginative story is:

    “So they took them for their mate’s.”

    Their mate’s what? Flat? Display cabinet? Birthday?

    Also £5.99p? No. Its either £5.99 or 599p.

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