Bloody Bank

Once again the bank is being a pain in the arse. Ages ago I signed up for online banking because it was nice and easy to use and I could sort it from work. For a couple of years this system has been working nicely for me and I've been happily paying my mortgage and my bills with no problems at all. Not any more. Barclays, in their infinite wisdom, have decided that their internet security which apparently was more than secure enough last month, now isn't, and we all have to have a 'pin sentry' device, without which you cannot access your own account information. So, if you don't have your pin sentry with you, tough shit. If your pin sentry breaks 2 days before your mortgage needs paying and you don't have access to telephone banking, your problem. I wasn't impressed with this idea so I rang the useless sacks of shit on the number provided to be greeted with this message:

"Please enter your 6 digit telephone banking passcode"

Fucking great. I don't have one. Maybe if I just hold on for a while the system will put me through, it works for the credit card phoneline anyway….

"I'm sorry, we do not recognise your 6 digit passcode, please type it again"

I'll wait a bit longer……

"I'm sorry, we do not recognise you 6 digit passcode……"

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

So I looked up some other numbers and eventually one of the lines I answered (loan purchasing line in case anyone cares). I asked them to put me through to someone who deals with pin sentry. They did, although they didn't sound too happy about it, I suspect that wasn't the first call they'd had. They want to start issuing codes, that should cut their call volume down a bit. I get through to a nice geordie lady who says that is IS possible to log in without it and I should have been given this option on the screen, she'll go and speak to her manager and put me on hold for a moment. So I listen to a few minutes of what sounded a bit like Mozart being played on the spoons and an old teatray and eventually someone else comes on the line. Bollocks, I've been transferred to a bloody Indian call centre:

"Hello, is it a query about pin sentry that it is you have?"

"Yes. I need to know how I log in without usinig the machine because it isn't convenient to me to have to carry it everywhere I go."

"It is not any longer possible to log into your account without pin sentry"

"But the girl I just spoke to said it was"

"It is not any longer possible to log into your account without pin sentry"

"She definately said it was. I just need to know how."

"It is not any longer possible to log into your account without pin sentry"

"Can you put me back onto the girl I spoke to?"

"No. It is not any longer possible to log into your account without pin sentry."

"I'll just go then shall I?"

"Is there anything else I can be doing for you have a nice day goodbye"

Dialling tone.

 

Bloody marvellous. I don't want the Prime Minister's medical records, I don't want access to MI5's filing cabinet, I don't want to hack into the Pentagon's security systems and set off the sprinkler system, I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF MY WAGES WENT IN. But apparently without jumping through 17 hoops, having an electronic gadget and a 6 digit passcode I do not have this right anymore. I am wondering if it might not be easier just to keep my bastard wages in cash under my bed. It's not like there's anything left of them after 2 weeks anyway. Bloody bank, I pay them a fiver a month to piss me off and keep my own information secret from me, I must be a complete fucking idiot.

 

 

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One Response

  1. I grinned like an idiot all through this – having had a similar series of events recently, with barclays internet banking and supposedly not entering the correct passcode, which resulted in them sending me a dodgy passcode by snailmail (didn't work) – but in that meantime I managed to change my passcode online (go figure), being told again my passcode wasn't working, and being sent another (wait for it) passcode by snailmail (which did actually work) and now being back to square one and not knowing which be-damned passcode to use!! I really needed to access my banking and have the same problem with you with telephone banking – grrr!!!!

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