Bad Motoring Week

This week is proving to be a bad motoring week, thanks to other people. The two people I am holding particularly responsible for this week's gripes are:


Mr 'Dirty Thieving crack-rat'

It's 2am, I'm asleep and suddenly I'm woken up by the dog going off his nut. So I get up and go downstairs to see what he's shouting about. Suprisingly the front door is open and peering sleepily through the glass at the top like a myopic mole I notice that my husband is standing in the middle of the road, phone clutched to ear, making wild arm gestures. Even through I am not at my best when woken suddenly I realise that this is not a normal state of affairs. So, I pull on Micah's dress coat and a pair of trainers (I'm nothing if not stylish) and head out into the frost to find out what's going on. What is going on is that some thieving little scrotum-dweller has decided that because there is a water bottle, loo roll, risk assessment on excavations and old petrol receipt in the front of the car then it is obviously a treasure trove of highly saleable goods and has entered the vehicle, via the space where the driver's window was before he smashed it to have a nosy. Now I'm all for private enterprise but not when it involves breaking my window and attempting to liberate my belongings. So we phone the police, who surprisingly turn up and have a wander  round the neighbourhood. It must have been a quiet night down the station. Then we call the insurance people, then the glass replacement people. At 5am a nice Scouser had finished filling the hole with perspex to make the car usable until the glass people could replace it properly and I was £75 worse off. And I started work at 8am. Imagine my delight. If these little shitsters want to have money and feed their crack habit, why the bloody hell can't they get off their fat, lazy chav arses and get a job like everyone else. If I have to work to afford wine then I don't see why they shouldn't work to afford smack. Just because I'm middle class does not mean it is acceptable for the scumlords to have a free for all on my stuff. If I find out who it was I will extract my £75 from them if I have to sell their vital organs on Ebay to do it.


Mr 'I Own the Road'

Ok, imagine the scene: You're driving down a narrow 2 lane suburban road. Your side is clear but there is a car parked on the other side. Coming towards you is a man in a BMW 4×4 (and no, I don't know why you'd need a 4×4 in a Manchester suburb when the Top Gear lads have proved that you can cross the African Plains in a 25 year old Opel). What would you expect to happen? What I expected was for the man in the BMW 4×4 to slow down and stop while I passed the car that was parked on his side, then when I was clear, for him to pull out around the parked vehicle. Imagine my surprise when this didn't happen. What actually happened was that as I drove past the car, he pulled straight out into the middle of the road, forcing me onto the pavement and smirked as he went past. Incandescent doesn't even start to describe my anger. So I pulled over, opened the window and bellowed 'wanker' as loudly as I could at his car. I know he heard me, his window was open. Unfortunately half of the estate, several passersby and the woman who lives 2 doors down from my parents also heard me so it's now probably going round the area that I am a mentally unstable lunatic with anger management problems and Tourettes. What the hell is wrong with these tossers in 4x4s? It isn't even the first time I've been run off the road by one. Just because his sodding car is bigger and more expensive than mine does not mean that the rules of the road are altered. Honestly, what a complete wanker.


As these things come in threes I'm not looking forward to whatever the next motoring disaster is going to be. Watch this space.  

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7 Responses

  1. We have the same problem with 4X4 here too. People who never leave the city feel that they can't live without one and so block the roads with them. Often their only excuse is that it gives them better vision above the traffic. Of course the damn things block the view of anyone driving a normal sedan behind them. EGO!If they actually went outside the city and were 1 kilometer from a coffee shop they would have aheart attack. Gas guzzlers!

  2. And they're so bloody big. A friend of mine has recently had a baby and she's decided that the child won't be safe in anything less than a quasi-assault vehicle. So she's upgrading from a Citroen Saxo (which she was appalling at driving and couldn't park) to a Range Rover. God help us all, she's going to be absolutely lethal. Trying to drive past a school at half eight is virtually impossible now, they've all got a bloody 4×4 and hardly any of them know what the back end is doing.

  3. That is a lot of selfish behavior to deal with! I shake my head at jerk in the 4×4. I too have no idea why people drive these.

  4. People driving 4×4 in cities are idiots (have got a few of my friends that do too!) and seem to think that they own the road which causes them to be unsafe drivers.I hope you find the twit who broke into your car – I would find it v. entertaining reading about their internal organs being available on e-bay!

  5. The guy had a cream coloured cross breed dog with him when he broke into the car. So far I have scowled menacingly at 3 different chavs walking cream coloured dogs in the hope that if I scowl at enough of them then eventually I'll get the one that broke into the car. Either that or I'll just get a beating for glaring at strangers.

  6. In Australia we have had a number of tragedies where parents have reversed their cars over their children as they cannot see them behind the cars. Some models have sensors and camera now, I think all models should. It does always seem to be tiny women driving these big cars while the husbands have the sporty models

  7. I read somewhere that if an ordinary car hits a child the impact is taken on the leg bones so the most likely outcome is 1 or perhaps 2 broken legs. If a 4×4 hits the same child the likely outcome is a crushed chest cavity because the impact point of the bonnet is so much higher than on an ordinary saloon, it will hit your schoolchild square in the chest. So, your child might be safer in the 4×4 but it isn't safer once it gets out, since all the other mums have one. And Tesco's carpark is now bloody lethal for everyone.

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