Portugal – Marvellous. Back at work – not marvellous.

Well I'm back from my holidays and I had a bloody good time. Actually I've been back a few days but all my time has been taken up by laundry and dealing with the titanic level of work-whinging that has built up in my inbox and post heap while I've been away. I would write a full account of holiday but I was there for ten days and I suspect I'd bore even myself writing about ten days worth of holiday, so instead I will list a few of the good and the not-so-good things.


Great Holiday Stuff.

  • It was SOOO relaxing. As you can see:

That is Cass in the pool, showing us all what a stressful place 'holiday' is and the chap under the newspaper is Justin. Disappointingly he did not have newsprint all over his face when he woke up.

  • The marina was gorgeous.

My dad was thinking of buying a yacht when he retires and in Vilamoura Marina I found the perfect one. Now admittedly it might have been a tiny bit more than he was originally thinking of spending but a few extra years working would easily cover the cost. About 490 years should just about do it. Unfortunately I couldn’t get a picture because it had gates to stop the plebs like me getting anywhere near the rich people and causing a nuisance but put it this way – don’t think dinghy, think Royal Yacht Britannia.

  • There was a great deal of general silliness and drunkeness, mainly revolving around Jagermeister (tastes like Covonia cough medicine for anyone who has not had the dubious pleasure of making its acquaintance. Makes everyone get very very very loud.). It can have unfortunate side effects though – someone got very very loud and lairy on the Jager and finished the evening by doing a head first swan-dive into the pool, fully clothed, at 3am. So now there is a video on Facebook of me standing by the pool, hands on hips, bellowing like a Cheapside fishwife “For chrissakes get out of the fucking pool you twat”. Very ladylike, a fine demonstration of the class for which I am famed.

Really, since it was just a generally great holiday it’s difficult to pinpoint specific good things to mention, however the bad things are easier to itemise.

  • The flight out. Oh god, how to describe the flight out. It was a nerve-jangling sensory assault on every level. We were herded on like a flock of sheep and squished into faux-leather seats with approx 3 inches of legroom per person. Finally I managed to somehow fold all 5ft 10 of me into the tiny space, at which point the personin front of me reclined their seat, impaling me and almost shattering my hips. Which was nice. Then the final person appraoched the trio of seats behind me. But’s what’s this? She’s carrying a toddler and there’s only threee seats. Where on earth is that child going to sit? On her knee directly behind me it would seem. 3 whole hours of being kicked repeatedly in the back and listening to ‘In the Night Fucking Garden’ (that might not be the actual full title of the mind-alteringly annoying CD they played on repeat for the entire flight). Still, the CD was from time to time (every 4 minutes) drowned out by the ear splitting nasal shrieks of the child in the seat in front who clearly had a seriously low boredom threshold. When we got off the flight, me and the husband had come to an agreement that we were never going on holiday again until we could afford to fly with a decent airline and preferably business class. This was when our mental state had levelled off enough for us to attempt speech.
  • The bed in the villa. It was satanically uncomfortable, a bit like sleeping on sideboard with sheets on. It came complete with two cotton-clad rooftiles which the brochure laughingly described as ‘pillows’. The only way you could sleep on the bed was to get monumentally pissed. The one night I attempted to sleep on it sober I had to put a jacket and socks on and sleep on top of the sheet and blanket because the bruise on my hip created by the springs from the previous night’s kip was giving me gyp.
  •  The cold. Some bastard gave Cass’s husband a cold which he brought on holiday. It took us down one by one until dinner in the villa sounded like the TB ward in a Victorian sanitorium.

All in all it was a bloody good holiday and I'm not at all impressed to be back at work! 


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8 Responses

  1. So glad you had a great time! Your sense of humor is Great! I mean I feel for your pain while laughing my ass off! Thanks! And I hope the TB ward has been cleared. 🙂

  2. Ha! Great to have you back and glad you had a great time away 😉 beautiful pic of the marina btw – gorgeous :))

  3. The place, getting drunk together sounds fun! Glad you had a good time. Where are you on facebook?

  4. The TB ward is fine now thanks. Typical – it's bad on holiday but the minute you might be able to sneak a day off work with it the bloody thing disappears.

  5. Thanks! Nice of you to say so. I was quite pleased with the marina pic, I've only got a little point and click Olympus camera so my night shots are normally crap but it's very good for bright light shots. Actually it's probably good for night shots if I knew what the hell I was doing but never mind!

  6. Haha! That is how it works….sigh

  7. Welcome back! It's good to "see" you again. Your description of the bed had me giggling out of one side of my mouth and wincing out of the other. An appealing facial gesture, I am sure.Agreed on the marina photo.. nice! 🙂

  8. Thanks! It really was the single most uncomfortable bed I have ever attempted to sleep on. Truly appalling.

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