It’s still raining……

Here in Britain it is still raining. It's been raining for a while now. Back in the Winter we were assured that it would be an Indian summer and I suppose we are having an Indian season, it's just a shame it's the monsoon season. Currently there is a lovely boating lake devloping at the end of the garden. Its charming features include 'Compost Island', formed when the compost bin blew away, leaving the pile of semi-rotted vegetables poking out of the top of the water and 'Turd Reef', made from the dog craps that we didnt' get round to shifting before the rains started. Beautiful.

Yesterday, in a lull between rain storms my mum rang to suggest we took the dog for a walk in the valley. It seemed like a lovely idea, the sun was peeking out from behind the clouds, the day was warm enough and the dog, who hadn't been out for a few days due to adverse weather conditions, had taken to legging it up and down stairs yowling to burn off energy. So in the car we get, wearing jeans and a water resistant jacket, just in case. That's me by the way, not the dog.  We park up at mum and Ade's, go in and get mum and off we go. We get to the valley and it starts spitting but we don't worry about that, we're not related to the witch of the West and we don't melt in water.

What we do melt in however is massive voltages of electricity and that is why the bolt of sheet lightening followed very closely by the enormous clap of thunder was rather alarming. At the same point the heavens opened. By this point it was as far to go back as go on so using the British power of self-delusion we convinced ourselves that it was just a small shower and it would pass in a minute.

By the end of 'a minute' the lightening had got closer, the thunder had got louder, the rain had got heavier and I had discovered that 'water resistant' means that after a certain amount of water your coat will begin to leak. Every single bit of me was wet with the exception of my feet. Those boots were certainly £50 well spent. Unlike my bastard coat which was behaving a bit like a sponge. We were now hiding under some trees and having a debate as to whether in a storm you were meant to stand out in the open or under shelter in a lightening storm. My mum swore you were meant to stand in the open but as she's 5ft 6 and I'm 5ft 10 I reckon this was just a ploy to ensure that I got zapped first. I'm tall, I might as well wear a sign saying "I am a lightening rod".

So under the trees we stayed, with the dog cheerfully jumping up and down in puddles, until the lightening storm passed. Sadly it didn't take the rain with it so on we trudged, looking like sodden refugees, past the pub where everyone in the smoking shelter laughed at us, past the group of teenagers sat in their car who laughed at us and home to my mum's house where my dad laughed at us. It's nice to see that people can still be sympathetic to the plight of others. Bastards. 

And so the rain goes on. My next posting will be from the Ark. I have reserved my seat and now have a cabin with a porthole and small balcony which I will be sharing with a pair of puffins, some stick insects and 2 types of badger.


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4 Responses

  1. Haha! I am sorry to laugh, but have been in the same situation before. (save me a seat will ya?)

  2. That was spot on. This 'summer' of ours is a complete sodding joke!

  3. isn't it always raining in England?

  4. Yes it is. All year round except in Winter when it gets too cold to rain and we have some frost. Twice a year the sun comes out for a day and it gets warm. This is known as 'summer'. Global warming my arse, it's July and it was cold this morning.

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