More of life’s little irritations…..

Every now and again you get an accumulation of things that are annoying you and you have a choice, you can either write them down or you can keep them bottled up inside until you either knock out a colleague with a plastic potted palm tree or spontaneously combust. I have chosen the first option so here is the list of things that are grinding my gears this morning:

 

Doom and Gloom Media.

Every time you switch on the news or read a paper you are confronted with misery, gloom and depair. Add all their miserable doom-mongering crap together and this is the scenario you get:  The climate is changing and the polar ice caps are melting so eventually every thing South of Dudley is going to end up underwater. This is going to be a huge problem because thanks to the mass immigration of Eastern Europeans and psychotic, murderous Somalis who all live solely off benefits there is no housing for the poor refugees from the South. Not that it would matter anyway because we are heading for a recession so they wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage on a tramp’s blanket, never mind an actual property. Still, the numbers of wandering, soggy Southerners will be kept down by the feral gangs of knife and gun toting teenagers that roam the streets of Britain killing everyone who crosses their path and setting fire to cars. And make no mistake, the relocated Londoners will be wandering the streets all day because there won’t be any jobs at all for then, no, jobs are all taken by Polish people nowadays. It’s all such bullshit.  Then there are the stupid little sound bites they make up such as calling Manchester “Gunchester”. Gunchester? Fuck off.  I’m 28 and apart from 4 years I spent living in Lancaster I have been here all my life. I have yet to see anyone in Manchester with a gun. Certainly the gangs in Moss Side used to entertain themselves by taking pot shots at each other but that was some years ago now and it’s cleaned up a lot. East Sussex however is bristling with guns. I remember staying with my ex at his parents house there. They had a small holding. I went out for a cigarette and found his father in a tree with a 12 bore. Apparently he was waiting for the fox that had killed his chickens. They have a bigger gun problem in the capital than they do in Manchester and you don’t find the Daily Mail banging on about “Gundon” do you? Tosspots.

 

Hypocritical Politicians

Politicians in this country are the most appalling hypocrites. Just this month we’ve had the chancellor informing us that companies must keep pay rises low to avoid disrupting inflation while MPs happily vote themselves a bigger payrise than teachers and firemen followed by Gordon Brown at the G8 Summit finding time between one of the 18 courses in the banquet to tell us all that we shouldn’t be wasting food. To be honest I’m impressed he could still speak, what with all the free (and by free I do of course mean paid for by taxpayers of the world) champagne that had been flown in from Europe. Good to see that while we are meant to be watching our carbon footprint and trying to eat local food to cut food miles this does not apply to the trough-raiding freeloaders making world policy. And don’t even get me started on MPs expenses because frankly, I’ll be here all day.

 

The Credit Crunch

If I hear this phrase one more time I’m going to have to tie the chancellor’s nuts to 2 carthorses and send them off in opposite directions.  I’m sick of it. I don’t even know what it really means and I suspect that many others don’t either. I have gathered that it means things are going to get more expensive and it’s going to be harder to borrow, both on credit cards and mortgages but is that all it means? No one ever explains it, they just bandy it about like it’s some all encompassing explainatory phrase. “Oh, it’s cheaper to fill your car with bottles of 1874 Claret or molton gold? That’ll be the credit crunch”, “The bank have put your mortgage up so high that they must have assumed you’ve bought the Chatsworth Estate? It’s the credit crunch y’know”. Well it isn’t an explanation, it’s a sodding excuse disguised as a sound bite put about by politicians and the media to cover everything that’s currently going financially tits up thanks to the staggering mismanagement of those who have drained the treasury. Either say what you bloody well mean or fucking shut up. We are all well aware that the world economy is suffering Mr Darling but don’t think that we are too stupid to have realised that if your government hadn’t frittered everything that was in in the treasury and built the entire economy on the basis of borrowing we would be faring rather better than we are today. Yes Darling, you, you badger-faced wanker, we know you are lying when you say that the price of petrol is so high because of world oil prices rising. It’s so high because you can’t afford to lower the tax on it thanks to Gordon-the-one-eyed’s financial mismanagement and no stupid sound bite can change that.

 

Ah, that's better…….blood pressure down now……steam no longer issuing from ears……

 

 

 

 

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9 Responses

  1. Ah, that's better! The locals here are complaining about paying AUD$1.50/litre. That equates to 0.73 pounds/litre. I think we paid 1.26 pounds/litre for diesel while we were there. Now you tell me we were helping pay for Gordon's champagne. Now I don't feel so good.

  2. It's gone up since you were over here, diesel is now over £1.30 a litre. I'd give you a list of all the good things that your huge fuel bill paid for while you were here but I can't actually think of anything especially worthy that the govt pays for. Erm…..the NHS has its moments….erm….erm…nope. That's me stumped. Oh, wait, i've got one, my brother works at Westminster so his salary.

  3. Personally, I would have liked to have seen the knocking out of a colleague with a plastic potted palm tree 😉

  4. Well said – how did you read my mind??!

  5. There's no guarantee that you won't. Something else is bound to set me off again before the end of the day.

  6. I think everyone in Britain is getting annoyed about the same things now. The really irritating thing is that those in charge don't take any bloody notice. What we require in this country is a modern day Peasant's Revolt. Not only would it give our politician's arses a bloody good kicking but it would also get me few days off work which is always a good thing.

  7. I like that – the Peasant's Revolt would be both ideolgical and practical!

  8. [esto es genial]

  9. You're very welcome, always happy to help!

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