Tit of the Week

This week has so far given us a proliferation of tits but special mention must be given to the man above, one "Mr Jake Ulrich". Recognise him? No? He does just look like one more terminally dull city trader or accountant doesn't he? Actually he is the managing director of Centrica, a company who are quite literally raking in the cash hand over fist. This morning, Centrica anonunced 6 monthly profits of £1billion and increased share prices, an impressive achievement in a market where the wholesale cost of gas is currently high. Or at least that's what I'd normally think but Centrica owns British Gas and on Monday British Gas announced a rise of 35% on gas bills. And no, for anyone reading this in the US I didn't miss out a decimal point, it is supposed to read thirty five percent. So, a company that has made a billion pounds PROFIT in 6 months (and for anyone who's interested that works out at £5million profit per day) has just hiked the cost of gas to hard pressed families who are already struggling to pay high mortgage costs, huge food bills, massive petrol costs and high taxes. Kind of like a reverse Robin hood, robbing the poor blind in order to give to the rich. How very public spirited of them. I suppose that those on the board of Centrica have enough in the bank to ensure that their grandparents don't freeze to death this winter because they can't afford to put the heating on. This is of course assuming that the money-hungry, consciousless sacks of shit haven't already sold their grandparents, an assumption that I'm not at all convinced we should make given their current behavioural trends.

So why am I singling out Mr Ulrich, a man whose salary last year was £1.1 million with a half a million pound bonus, for a verbal kicking? The reason is that when asked how he thought those who were already struggling were going to get through winter with such massive costs for heating his advice was this: WEAR TWO JUMPERS. What? Frail pensioners aren't going to be able to heat the house or use the cooker because you want to continue to make obscene profits and your advice is to put on another fucking jumper? Are you insane man? Are you utterly, completely and totally deranged? When Marie Antoinette reputedly said something similarly stupid and out of touch the French cut her head off, all I can say is that Jake the Jackass should be eternally grateful we aren't living in those times because if we were he'd be well advised to put his hat collection on Ebay.

So there we have it, Mr Jake Ulrich wins Tit of the Week for his complete inability to grasp any of the fundamentals of reality and for living in a ivory tower so fucking high that there are clouds round the top of it. If there is any such thing as karma his heating will pack in during a big freeze, causing his pipes to burst and flood his umpteen million pound mansion. Having said that it wouldn't make any difference to him because he's one of the few people in the country who can afford to call an out of hours plumber. The wanker.

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13 Responses

  1. Great post, Vicola 😀 Loved the hat collection line particularly 😉

  2. Over here it's air conditioning that's becoming increasingly expensive so I'd like to hear his advice on that. "Take off an extra layer of clothing this summer". I'm already sitting hear naked spritzing myself with a spray bottle.

  3. Blimey, thank you for sharing. I do hope you're not at work, I know my work would take a very dim view of nudity in the office.
    Given his ideas of life in an ordinary household his advice for air conditioning costs would probably involve solid gold bathtubs filled with hand carved ice collected from the polar ice caps by Inuit virgins and flown buisness class to the helipad on your roof. I'm only surprised that his heating problem advice didn't involve throwing another peasant on the fire.

  4. Fantastic post. I've found this story unbelievable, least of all beause my husband switched us to British Gas literally the night before the price hike was announced…

  5. I think quite a lot of people moved from EDF last week when they put up prices by 20 odd percent. We're with N Power so I'm waiting to see what they hike things up by. I suspect it won't be small. Robbing swines. Why does no one in big business have a conscience any more?

  6. It's nuts because it all just feeds into the cycle of a downturn. Everyone's having a hard time, the economy's getting screwed, so obviously the thikning is why don't we screw with it all a bit more, heap on more misery by hiking up our prices despite the obscene profit we're just about to announce that we've made.

  7. All CEOs and MDs of companies like this who supply essentials to the public should be forced to survive for 6 months on an ordinary salary with current prices. If they then want to raise things then fair enough, they've tried it and they are still a consciousless bastard but it might make a few of them think.

  8. I think this happens because business people are raised up to be capitalist pigs and they can't put it in check once they get to a job that affects the public. It's one thing to be as successful as you can running a restuarant, accounting office, or law firm but quite another when you're marketing gas, oil, heat, light, water, air or some other thing that people have come to depend on. You can always go to another restuarant if you get pissed off but you can't really just switch power companies in protest can you?

  9. I'm sure there's some sort of price fixing crap going on because as soon as one of them hikes up the rates to something ludicrous, the rest follow suit. I hope they all come back in the next life as dung beetles, destined to spend their lifetime pushing balls of dung around the African Plains and getting pissed on by hyenas.

  10. A colorful fate indeed but it's too good for em. I say let them be festering sores on the inside of the hyena's arses where little bits of them are scraped off on each defecation and deposited where the dung beetles can then push them about into little piles

  11. [esto es genial]

  12. Very true, it wasn't Mrs T's finest hour that one. Having said that I've observed what has happened to all the other state run organisations in the last few years, the NHS, the education system, the police, and from this I can deduce that if the utilities were still nationlised then they would be so busy chasing targets and trying to meet imposed standards that we would only have electricity 3 days a week.

  13. Imaginative! I like that.

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