Anger Management

 

 

I have come to the conclusion (after getting ridiculously annoyed over the twat in the Zafira who cut in front of me at the lights without any form of indication) that I may perhaps have a couple of teeny weeny anger management issues. If I am going to reach spiritual harmony and avoid an ulcer/ murder charge I may have to let go of some of my currenty held angers. This will not only make me a sunnier, more even tempered person but will also free up some grouch-space that I can fill with brand new irritations. So, what can I let go of?

 

Fat Slapper

Perhaps it is unreasonable of me to be annoyed by the fact that some of my uni friends have added 'fat slapper' to their friends list on Facebook. I mean it looks like she asked them to be friends and they are very polite girls. Sure, they didn't like her at uni but hey, she never asked any of THEIR boyfriends to sleep with her while they were out at work trying to earn their tuition fees did she? No, it was just MY boyfriend who came in for that special honour. And not even because she really wanted him either, simply because the rabid whore wanted to prove to me that she could do it if she wanted to. But she failed and just managed to show herself up as the slag-tastic boot that she really is. And then she lied about it as well and seemed to think that I'd care when she suggested that we should just admit we weren't really friends. Really? Who'd have thought it, you sociopathic slut? Perhaps that particular annoyance is going to take a little more work than some of the others. Maybe I'll leave that one for another time.

 

The BMW driver

OK, so I had right of way and the blockage was on his side of the road yet he drove his sodding great BMW 4×4 through the gap I was already halfway through, forcing me onto the pavement and into an emergency stop to avoid embedding myself in the lamp post. Then he grinned smugly at me as he went past. This is indeed annoying but I should not dwell on it, I should be content in the knowledge that karma will follow him, he will probably pull that shit in Cheetham Hill or Salford and end up staring down the barrel of a sawn off shotgun. If I see him again I will be polite and stop. Preferably in the gap he's trying to get through so he gets stuck and is left with the options of a) driving into my car and forcing it backwards, b) reversing and taking a different route, c) assaulting me and moving my car. Options a and C will cost him money and option b will cost him humiliation. If he wants to play smug petty car driver then I assure him, I can be just as ridiculous. Right, so that's not so much anger 'dispensed with', more 'put on hold'. It's a start.

 

Work

So most of the time work sucks and I am paid less than a man who is not only completely incompetant but also about as much use to the company as a chocolate jockstrap. So I spend half my time doing stuff that he is meant to be doing but is too stupid, inept and lazy to deal with, well there's no point being angry about it because I'm fucking well stuck with it. I have to have a job and since the yoghurt-knitting, vegetarian, politically correct, diversity trolls made it illegal for companies to ask me if I am planning to go off and have babies they just assume that I am. This means I've got more chance of growing a pair of silver wings and circling the Statue of Liberty than I have of finding alternative employment so I might as well stop bloody whining and get on with it till the employment world deems me suitably withered and old. Result! Anger successfully converted to rather depressed resignation.

 

So, that's one anger put to the back of the pile for later consideration, one put on hold till I can successfully ruin BMW Bastard's afternoon and one converted into something else. I would say that's a successful result. How very therapeutic, perhaps I should start a new career as an anger management advisor!  

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10 Responses

  1. You reminded me of an old joke:
    What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
    With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

  2. Ha!! I like that. I'll tell it to the BMW Bastard through my window while I'm blocking him into the space on the road.

  3. LOL! Surely chocolate jockstraps are useful for something? I don't own a car but as a pedestrian I find that men in "macho" cars are the most dangerous to walkers! Good luck with that "management"!

  4. Beemer Jerk! Did you feel a teensy weensy bit tempted to reverse up and ram your car into the side of his fat, shiny environmentally polluting monstrosity? I know I would've.4×4 drivers give me huuuuuge road rage. The flipping things should be illegal – they hog roads, hog petrol and hog people's better sense. And as for road hogs……….I can't seem to climb into the car these days without some thinks-s/he-owns-the-road lunatic who hasn't seen the inside of the highway code ticking me off. So, you have my complete, utter sympathy. p.s. I don't think you have anger management issues in the slightest. When karma catches up with them you'll be smiling, right?

  5. Am glad you got all that off your chest so that you're not needing to kick the cat to get it all out. The Beemer driver sounds like a twat – must be the only way he can feel good about himself is by being a total knobhead!

  6. I really did feek like doing that but on reflection I decided that in an out and out contest of strength between my Ford Fiesta and his BMW 4×4 I was unlikely to come out on top. So I settled for doing an undiginified swerve onto the pavement. The bastard.

  7. [esto es genial]

  8. I'm pleased to see that other people also have some rage problems whilst driving. Your mental retaliation and also your knowledge of firearms are commendable. I may try that on the way home when inevitably a fucking lorry unsuccessfully attempts to overtake another lorry on the 3 lane stretch up the hill, bastard lorries.
    BMW – Braindead, moronic wankers.

  9. [esto es genial]

  10. I have to say, this comment about the uses of a chocolate jock strap is as intriguing as the expression itself!! Good one, Emjay!
    Vicola, where I live a BMW is like the 'slumming' car. We have Mercs and Jags and the vanity license plates, that spell out things like "Mill Valley Mom" along with the entilement mentality to go with them. These are the people who always seem to think you won't mind their 'dahling' little doggie soiling on your front lawn. I've had these people push their high-end cars directly in my way forever. My husband lets all of this roll right off his back. He drives his pick-up with no care that he's 'embarrassing' his neighbours and says, "Thanks, Dude" as calmly as you please, whenever they get in his way, Wish I could be more like him.

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