A letter to the chairman of NPower.

Dear Al Capone, Reggie Kray or whatever you name is,

I suppose it was destined to happen wasn't it? I mean, by the law of averages eventually I was always destined to become embroiled in one of the energy industry's mendacious scams or rip offs and now it seems my day has arrived.

I refer to the gas bill that we received this morning. In case your butler or PA hadn't informed you, I will let you into a little secret – last month was AUGUST. It is traditionally one of our warmer months and although it was rather wet, this year's temperatures weren't anything unusual. This means my central heating was ont switched on at all, in fact it hasn't been since April. Given this fact I am intrigued as to how the partially trained gas-monkeys working for you have figured out that my bill should rise from approx £10 per month to over £90 per month. The media has been full of the rise in utitlity bills recently but I was under the impression that your price hike was 26%. Was I mistaken? Did I misread? Was it actually 900%? Because if so I may have to recoup the massive cost by selling this bit of news to the tabloids, who I am sure would have great fun making up headlines about gangsters and highwaymen freezing old ladies to death over winter while chairmen receive bonuses of tens of thousands of pounds.

I am going to let you in on another little nugget of information here – you've got more chance of growing 3 extra kidneys and marrying Angelina Jolie than you have of getting me to agree to this price rise, you robbing bastard. My gas use has not increased nine-fold and therefore I am not paying for nine times as much gas. It's as simple as that. Maybe it was the name, maybe that fooled you into thinking I am one of those little old ladies who lives in fear of an official looking letter and will just pay up on any demand from you bunch of bloody cowboys. If that was what you were thinking, let me now put you straight – I am not. I have no problem arguing the toss with you, I am not afraid of your official looking letters, I am not scared of your threatening tones and your blustering about debt collectors and cutting off my supply. Frankly, at those prices it would be cheaper for me to heat my hot water in a tin bath over a smouldering pile of £50 notes than it would be to use your gas. God alone knows what you're going to claim for when the heating goes on. So really, what I am saying, in a roundabout sort of a way, is that you can take your £90 a month and piss off. I won't be paying this so you might as well recalculate it and if you send me another one of these rip-off bills I'll be taking my business elsewhere. I realise that ripping off the customer might have been lesson one at the Asshole School of Business Trickery but it doesn't wash with me panshine so I suggest you don't try it again.

Yours disrespectfully

Yet another pissed off customer.



UPDATE: Since I wrote (and sent) this it seems that the smug, theiving bastards have decided to scrap all pretence that they care about the fact they are crippling your average householder. Hot on the heels of the "Wear another jumper" jibe comes this  http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Business/Campaigners-Fury-Over-Fuel-Crisis-Jibe-Made-By-EOn-Energy-Company-Executive/Article/200809215097206?lpos=Business_3&lid=ARTICLE_15097206_Campaigners%2BFury%2BOver%2BFuel%2BCrisis%2BJibe%2BMade%2BBy%2BE.On%2BEnergy%2BCompany%2BExecutive 


May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their armpit hair.  


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6 Responses

  1. Awesome writing and that is a loud of BS!

  2. Isn't it amazing what they think we won't notice!

  3. [esto es genial]

  4. Thanks, very kind of you to say so. I actually printed this out and sent it to NPower addressed "To the chairman". If nothing else it'll have given the person who sorts his post a laugh.

  5. Yes, but do you hav eto pay? Or is there a complaint dept that willactually take a complaint? 90 pounds for gas?? Wow.

  6. Exactly. And in bloody August, we haven't had the heating on since April. Mind you, if the bills keep going up like this we won't ever be having the heating on again. Micah paid it this month but if the same thing happens next month we'll be taking our business elsewhere. Robbing swines.

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