Another one who believes their own hype….

What has been missing for a while is 'Wanker of the Week", in fact we haven't had one since Robert Mugabe graced these pages with his hilarious insanity so, although it's only Monday I feel it's time to crown ourselves another 'Wanker of the Week'.

And this week's award goes to…….



JK Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books. Let's have a look at what she has done to merit this prestigious prize shall we?

This week, JK has announced that she has donated the princely sum of 1 million English pounds to the Labour party because:

"I believe that poor and vulnerable families will fare much better under the Labour Party than they would under a Cameron-led Conservative Party.

"Gordon Brown has consistently prioritised and introduced measures that will save as many children as possible from a life lacking in opportunity or choice.

David Cameron's promise of tax perks for the married, on the other hand, is reminiscent of the Conservative government I experienced as a lone parent.

"It sends the message that the Conservatives still believe a childless, dual-income, but married couple is more deserving of a financial pat on the head than those struggling, as I once was, to keep their families afloat in difficult times."

Absolutely JK, this is a brilliant theory as long as you ignore a couple of pesky facts that get in the way.

1. The gap between rich and poor in this country is bigger than it has ever been and is widening still. Labour have, in this respect, made things worse. They have also wreaked such havoc on the education system that a fair number of kids in deprived areas leave school unable to read or write. They abolished the assisted places scheme so really bright kids who could previously attend private schools and have their fees paid for them can no longer do this. They got rid of the grants system and introduced tuition fees followed by top up fees, meaning that even if kids decide that they can afford university, they will emerge from it with a debt of tens of thousands of pounds. Personally, I wouldn't have said that New Labour have done anything to improve the choices or opportunities of kids who are struggling.

2. The government's policy of paying out and dishing out council houses to single mums has left us with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in Europe. This isn't something to be proud of or to be encouraged as a career option. Don't get me wrong, there are loads and loads of single mums out there struggling through no fault of their own after relationships have broken down but all of the single mums I know have taken control of their own situation and are working, they are not sat at home all day bemoaning the fact that state benefits aren't high enough. If we weren't spending quite so much cash funding multiple kids for teenagers who never intend to pay their way then we would have more money to support the women who have actually found themselves unable to manage through no fault of their own and who require assistance.   

3. Do a little bit of research and it emerges that JK's harsh life as a single mum in Edinburgh is not quite what it seems. According to her own interview with the BBC she had a number of secretarial jobs but:

"I was never paying much attention in meetings because I was usually scribbling bits of my latest stories in the margins of the pad or thinking up names for my characters," she said.

So she kept getting fired. She then considered going back to teaching, but decided that:

"I knew that full-time teaching, with all the marking and lesson planning, let alone a small daughter to care for single-handedly, would leave me with absolutely no spare time at all,"

My heart bleeds dear. Welcome to the world of working parents everywhere. So basically JK, what you've said is that you chose to not concentrate at work then when you got fired to not bother seeking further employment. This means that the struggle you harp on about ALL THE TIME is entirely of your own making. Frankly my dear, if you'd spent your time working instead of sitting on your arse in cafes writing mediocre prose about teenage wizards, you might have found things a little easier. 

4. JK has claimed that she got a grant from the Scottish Arts Council that 'helped her buy a typewriter' so she could painstakingly type out the manuscript for her second book. According to the Scottish Art Council's website, the amount granted to her was £8000. What the fuck sort of typewriter did she buy that cost her more than £8k? Jesus, you can buy a laptop with a printer and scanner for a whole less than £1k so this image of her using her tiny little grant to keep her struggling little head above water is just one more crock of shit in the pile that is JK Rowling's spin. Still. I guess we should have been able to guess what party she would come out for, given the fact that virtually everything in her past has been spun and shaped into something different to fit the image she is trying to portray.

5. If she was trying to help single parents and poor children, as she claims, why give the money to a political party? Everyone knows that it will just be swallowed up in pointless committees and red tape so why not donate it to a charity that helps kids stuck in the poverty trap. There are plenty to choose from so why not offer the million pounds to one of them to really do some good? Call me cynical but I suspect it's because donating a shitload of money to a charity, quietly and without fuss, isn't going to buy you a space on the New Year's Honours List. As we've all seen time and again, donating a shitload of money to Labour does. Dame JK? Doesn't it sound lovely? She's probably practising her new signature as I type.

So, it's well done to JK Rowling, a woman who has been called "One of the world's greatest living authors" by her great friend Gordon Brown, despite not even being one of the greatest living authors in Edinburgh, never mind the world. A woman who had been out of the headlines for a while so decided to garner a bit of publicity by announcing that 'Dumbledore' a geriatric wizard who had the sum total of no sexual encounters throughout the entire Harry Potter series, was in fact gay. JK Rowling, you might not yet have your OBE but step forward and collect your prize for I do declare you to be…Wanker of the Week.

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3 Responses

  1. [esto es genial]

  2. Cheers! Always glad to make my fellow person look like a lunatic as well as me, it makes me feel like part of a group! She just got on my nerves, with her sanctimonoius twaddle. If you want to do good, do it and do it quietly, if you want to campaign for favours at least be honest. She appears to be jumping on the celebrity bullshit bandwagon.

  3. very good, Vi – a worthy "Wanker of the Week"

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