Wanker of the Week #2

The day after the US gives itself a fine clean sheet by swearing in a brand, shiny new president, British politics follows by…..offering us a new candidate for Wanker of the Week. How marvellous, we are SO proud.



This week's wanker comes in the sternly-suited form of our helmet-haired leader of the house of Commons, Harriet Harman, a woman whose main claim to political fame is that she's slightly less inept than Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary and she was once 'Equality Minister', one of the most impressively titled and well paid non-jobs ever created.

So what is Harridan Harman doing this week to merit this fine award? Well, she is proposing a rule change (to be debated in Parliament tomorrow) that will remove "most expenditure held by either House of Parliament from the scope of the Freedom of Information Act". For those of us who have English as a first language rather than Bullshit I will translate – she is proposing a rule change that will ensure MPs expenses are kept secret from the public. Note it's just MP's expenses, not expenses of every state paid worker, no, it's just MPs who apparently deserve not to run the gauntlet of getting outed for spending the GDP of Luxembourg on first class travel courtesy of Johnny Public. If the proposal goes through then no one would be entitled to know how exactly how much of our MP's nests we have paid to feather.

This would be a distinct advantage for those such as Stevenage MP Barbara Follet who billed the taxpayer more than £1600 for window cleaning. Our window cleaner charges £4 a week, hers it would seem charges over £30.  Do you think:

a) She has a fuck sight more windows than me? 7.5 times more windows to be precise, making a total of 52.

b) She lives in a large greenhouse?

c) The window cleaner is stealing from her and instead of getting a new one she's just putting the difference through on expenses?

d) She's a cheeky cow who is taking the piss?

Answers on a postcard please.

Harriet is looking to take away this pesky scrutiny by the taxpayer which does after all detract from the important Cabinet job of working out how to funnel more taxpayer's cash into their personal accounts, trying to think of new and exciting ways to remove civil rights using the words 'war on terror' and 'national security' and looking for stuff to ban. Entertainingly yet not entirely surprisingly it is only the government who wants this rule pushig through, the Lib Dem MPs and the Conservatives have been issued with a three line whip and the instructions from their bosses that they WILL vote against it. They believe it would be bad for the public image of politics in this country but hey, Labour have never let the reputation of politics get in the way of their madcap plans before so they aren't all that likely to start now are they?

Harriet has said that information about expenses claims needs to be given in an 'affordable and proportionate manner', her cast-iron disregard for reality ensuring that she entirely misses the irony that if Labour MP's expenses claims were 'affordable and proportionate' then they wouldn't have to hide them. We must also pause for a moment to admire the chutzpah of this bunch of monkeys who in time honoured tradition chose a busy news day (the day the expansion of Heathrow was announced) to try and sneak this little gem through in the hope that no one would notice. Bad luck chaps.

So, while Barack Obama is telling Americans that "Those of us who manage the public's will be held to account – to spend wisely, reform bad habits and do our business in the light of day – because only then can we restore the vital trust between a government", Harriet is telling us to "Fuck off and mind your own business you nosy plebs, we are cleverer, better and more important than you and if you keep interfering we're going to move the goalposts. If you don't like it you can kiss my over-sized arse because we make the rules and we don't give a toss what you think". How very noble of her.

Harriet Harman you are without a doubt Wanker of the Week, come on down and collect your prize. And no, you can't put the bus fare on expenses.

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11 Responses

  1. I find that most politicians at some point will be competing for this fabulous award but this one definitely takes the biscuit. It's a shame that Labour's turned out to be as untrustworthy little shits as the conservatives in some respects.

  2. Love the cheesy photo.

  3. [esto es genial]

  4. I dare you to tell the woman that it's because you haven't taken your medication today and the voices in your head are telling you funny jokes….
    I emailed my MP using that as well. Unfortunately my MP is Ivan Lewis who doesn't five a rat's arse about his constituents and what they think so he won't reply. He would have voted for keeping the expenses secret because he always does vote for shit that improves the lives of MPs at the expense of anyone else.

  5. I don't think there's a huge difference between any of the parties to be quite honest and the murky nastiness that is British politics just looks even worse now that the US has Barack Obama in pledging honesty and transparency.

  6. She really does look like a witch doesn't she? Surely it can't be normal to have gums that size?

  7. I see they backed down, and now the Government and Cameron are arguing over who is to blame. Sigh…

  8. This is what always happens and do you know, I'm pissed off with it. No one will ever take the blame, they all try and shift it off onto anyone but themselves. I would have so much respect for the first politician to stand up and say "Look, I cocked up. I made a monumental mistake and it's no one's fault but my own. I'm very sorry and I'm going to try and put it right". I suspect hell will freeze over before I see that happen.

  9. Gave me quite a turn there, Vicola, seeing that smug, sanctimonious mare gurning at me from t'top of t'page. I had to go and pour myself a stiff one immediately. Well, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I think we're all under no illusions about how far the greedy bastards have their noses in the trough. What really grips my shit, is the fact they're so bloody brazen about it. The High Court tells them to disclose as per current law, so they just propose to stick two fingers up to the Court and change the law; and that, despite the bloody mess we're in. The concept of shame does not manifest itself in Westminster. And don't even get me started on those kleptocratic twats in Europe…Maybe that's where our shower get their ideas from?

  10. BTW, just flipping in to say this blog got a 'big up' (as the kids would have it) in this week's podcast.

  11. Cheers Brenning, most kind! Glad to see that cynicism is being spread by like-minded disaffected persons!

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