Things that stink today.

1. Waiting

I hate waiting. Seriously, it drives me daft. No matter how long I stare at the phone the sodding call hasn't come and even though I've refreshed my email about 4 million times, the answer hasn't arrived in there either. Why can't people just HURRY UP and make their minds up then tell me? I'm so frustrated that there's every chance I'll spontaneously combust before 5pm and then it'll all be fruitless anyway. Patience may be a virtue but it isn't one of mine and waiting is a king-sized pain in the arse. ARGHHH…phone still silent…..I need a gin and tonic.


2. My assignment

My assigment involves putting yourself in the place of a risk manager and advising the management board of a top-tier COMAH (dangerous substances) company manufacturing chemicals on the changes in legislation that will affect risk profile and risk planning. A random selection of problems I have so far encountered include: I know fuck all about chemicals and the associated legislation, I have no idea what being a top-tier COMAH site involves because I've never even been on one, let alone worked on one and I'm not a risk manager so I don't know anything about risk profile or risk planning. Oh and I don't really understand what the question is asking for. Happy days, it's all going really well on the diploma course…if I repeat it often enough I'm sure I'll start to believe it.


3. People who can't get their shit together

Ok Mr Useless, I have no problem booking some courses, although that is your job not mine and you're on a higher salary than me, despite being as much use as a dissolvable condom, but if you are going to ask me to do this, at least have the good grace to get your shit together and don't ask me for a load of incorrect courses that are all going to have to be altered several times after booking, making me look like an utter incompetant in the eyes of the training company. It's not me that's stupid, it's you and I've had an email from a site agent in my inbox for three days now, telling me that he has discussed his course with you and it is unsuitable. Would you care to explain to me why you haven't bothered to inform me of this discussion or would you rather dither around like a chicken on acid making noise but no sense? Thought so.



And the phone STILL hasn't rung. I am now understanding the meaning of 'itching with impatience'. No news is good news my arse. No news is no news and it's rubbish. On the bright side I do believe it's pancake day.

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8 Responses

  1. Cheer up. It could be worse, like having those wisdom teeth out.

  2. This might keep you occupied while you're waiting.

  3. [esto es genial]

  4. I've been waiting with anticipation for the next Vicola rant. I have not been disappointed! excellent stuff, although COMAH is quite ironically titled considering what little I know if it almost put me in one. Pointless telling you to have a good day so instead I'll end on "I hope today is better for you". Incidentally, Aston is now 12lb. The chubber! He's just like daddy 🙂
    I hope that a) your phone rings and it's the call you want followed by b) a call from the training company asking if your boss has stopped dribbling and figured out just where and when he actually wants this course, followed by c) your boss suffers uncontrollable vomiting just as he's leaving for work forcing him to stay at home and stop wrecking your day and finally d) all of the above makes you smile if just for a second!

  5. That's hilarious, even more so because it appears that I am an utter dunce. I only got about 3 right.

  6. Cheers Pete! I've only been in 18 minutes and already the bitching, whining and blame-pushing has begun again. As they say, new day, same old shit. Fingers crossed that sometime soon this crap won't be my problem anymore.
    Aston is 12lbs already? Blimey, well done. I'm always amazed how much babies grow in the first few months. It's a good thing though, they are so much less scary when they get a bit more robust looking – I'm always a bit scared I'm going to break little, fragile, tiny ones, much happier holding a chubby baby!

  7. You got three right? That's genius compared to most of us.

  8. When people tell me patience is a virtue I reply:
    "Bullshit! Patience is an excuse for the witless!"

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