100%, completely and utterly mental.

Sometimes someone really remarkable crosses your radar and today is one of those days. Courtesy of The Sun, which for some reason Vox won't let me link to today, I found the story below, about a man who gets the horn from cowshit. on the weird scale that rates as 'absolutely outstanding'.

 

 

A PERVERT who gets sexual thrills from manure was jailed after being caught pleasuring himself in a muck-spreader.

Weird David Truscott, 40, broke into a farm and covered himself in animal waste.

He then climbed into the spreader vehicle – and was found wearing rubber gloves and playing in the slurry for "sexual reasons". Truscott, of Camborne, Cornwall, was jailed for 16 weeks after admitting harassment.

Truro Magistrates' Court heard he was convicted of a previous offence at the same farm in Camborne in 2004.

At that time, the farmer came across a trough filled with dung and tissues scattered around. He then saw two hand prints and a "bottom print" where manure had been. Police who searched Truscott's home found 360 pairs of women's knickers and containers of liquid sludge and hard mud.

He was jailed for three years for burglary and arson after causing a blaze at the farm which killed a cow when he couldn't find manure to pleasure himself in.

He would walk into the farm to roll in manure and perform sex acts on himself before washing in a cattle trough. Once he entered a milking parlour to use a roll of industrial toilet tissue. He had stripped to his pants and climbed into a manure vat.

Police caught him carrying a bag full of underwear, women's trousers and firelighters. The farmer's wife and two children said they were "terrified".

The 2004 blaze caused damage costing £3,300. His lawyers said he was a "sad, isolated, peculiar man with peculiar habits" who "needed help".

 

"Sad, isolated, peculiar man with peculiar habits"? No shit. Smirk.

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21 Responses

  1. My ancestors hail from that area. So far as I know they didn't share his "pleasuring" habits. Another ancestor from another area was transported for stealing an anchor. I always wondered why he stole it. You've just given me a reason I hadn't considered.

  2. How, and indeed why, would you go about stealing an anchor? Unless you had a boat whose anchor had also gone walkies, I can't imagine what use it would be. Or indeed how you'd move it, as they are quite large and heavy things. Having said that, stealing an anchor is not nearly so weird as getting your rocks off in a slurry trough, not by a long shot…

  3. How mortifying for his family; how entertaining for the rest of us!

  4. Oh lord – what the hell kind of a life is that when the only thing you can get your sexual kicks out of is literally crap!!!

  5. I bet no one volunteers to sit next to him in the local pub…

  6. Ewww, too bloody right!!! Meant to say in my comment – i love that you highlight stories that I would sometimes never come across!

  7. Some people say that I have far too much time on my hands but I prefer to think of it as prioritising my time to allow me to bring important current affairs to the good people of Vox.

  8. Well it's damn fine time, well spent in my eyes.

  9. Eww…. That is just soooo wrong!

  10. Finally! Someone who makes the plumber who was caught molesting a clients Golden Retriever look normal!

  11. Thank you! Most kind of you to say so.

  12. NOOOO!! Really? That is not only wrong but also dangerous. I mean at least cowshit doesn't come equipped with teeth and a temper.

  13. [esto es genial]

  14. hey, we have them over here,we call them politicians,

  15. WTF has to happen to a person when they are young for them to enjoy being covered in manure? Yeurgh.

  16. It takes all kinds Vicola. Thanks for the story.I once worked in a remote area of Australia and operated the HF radio to receive calls from isolated cattle stations. One day I got an emergency call concerning a road grader driver who had apparently spent too many days in the bush by himself and had managed to get a personal part of his equipment stuck in part of the Caterpillar grader chassis, and it required the Royal Flying Doctor Service to attend to extract him.

  17. it required the Royal Flying Doctor Service to attend to extract him.I have to ask. Did they amputate?

  18. Bloody hell, that's all kinds of desperate isn't it? Imagine trying to keep your face straight while attending that one. My dad used to be an A&E (our version of ER) nurse and he used to see all sorts of off sexually related incidents, from people who had got their pant rat stuck in the vacuum cleaner extension pipe to a man who had to have stitches after shoving a glass bottle up his jacksy then sitting down, at which point the glass shattered…

  19. "I have to ask"I am sure you are asking purely out of academic interest Snowy ;-)Apparently a large angle grinder was required for one or the other.Beyond that….too much information.And Vicola…re your additional information. I think I am happy to have lived a sheltered life with modest ambitions 😉

  20. Except for trespassing how is this really a crime – weird certainly, but a crime? Against manure? I think I had better stop telling people how much pleasure I get from making compost.

  21. Honestly, though – with that haircut he was never going to pull a person.

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