I’m getting old.


The day after tomorrow I will be thirty. 30 whole years old. How horrific is that? It truly is the end of days. I will no longer be young, I will no longer be able to truthfully tick the '20-29 years' box on surveys, I will have to start considering a blue rinse, mid calf length pleated skirts and polyester cardigans in beige and lavender. Oh my god. I will officially be too old to wear mini skirts or an uplift bra despite the fact that I'm quite sure I'll wake up on Thursday to find my boobs are now somewhere down round my knees. I'll have to take up drinking sherry and gin in the middle of the afternoon. So I guess it's not all bad and at least I'll be one year closer to retirement.

I suppose it's not like I didn't see it coming, as soon as I started looking at teenage boys and thinking 'It's called a waistband for a reason and the crotch of your jeans isn't supposed to be round your knees. Pull your trousers up and put your undercrackers away' I realised that I was no longer 'down with the kids' and my youth was finally over. There are a few advantages to this, it means that no matter how fashionable 'jeggings' are, I won't feel obliged to wear them and so will avoid looking like a denim clad flamingo.  I won't end up with the 'boobs on a shelf' effect created by the hideous creation that is the high waisted pencil skirt and I won't have to pretend to like music that I think is shit just because it's very 'now'.

But there are definite downsides. I saw on the news that Patrick Swayze died this morning, dear god I've reached the age where people I fancied in my teens are starting to die. That is horrific! Before I know it I'm going to end up like my grandma, forgetting things from 20 minutes earlier, having the same conversation 7 times and getting updates on the lives of my friends via the local obituaries rather than the telephone.

30. Appalling.

As you can see, I'm taking it well…

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22 Responses

  1. I suppose there's no point in wishing you a happy birthday? I will, anyway. Happy Birthday, Vicola!!! It could be worse, you know. You could be my age. There, that should cheer you up. Well, that and a few Jagermeisters. Maybe one for each year, perhaps?

  2. 30s rock Vic. I am currently wearing leggins and a Ramones t-shirt, lying in bed listening to Cursive. C'mon…dirty 30s and all that! 😉

  3. Like Snowy said, it could be a lot worse. I have enjoyed my 30's so far, life is much more lid back as you no longer give a shit about the petty things/people in life.Plus you get to badger youngsters now…

  4. Cheers Snowy! I suspect that 30 jagemeisters may well ensure that I never make it to 31….

  5. [esto es genial]

  6. You silly, silly, little girl.
    Now you've gone and prompted me to write a reply to this drivel you have written (drivel from a contextual point of view, it's flawless from a grammatical/entertainment point of view of course)
    ….post about age on the way…
    As soon as I get a few minutes away from actual work…
    You can think of it as your spanking for wrongdoing 🙂

  7. If your boobs are hanging around your knees and then you put on a "boobs on a shelf" skirt … does that make them flop over your shoulders and hang down your back?You know, that would distract folks from noticing the wrinkles and gray hairs …My nephew just turned 29 last Sunday, and I emailed him a count-down timer. He didn't think it nearly as funny as I did.

  8. Yes – you could be Snowy's age!! 🙂 I hope it was a happy one and that one day you make it to Snowy's age – of course you have to get through my age first. It's not so bad really….. once you get used to those fuddy clothes!

  9. ahh!!!! 40 is the new 30 your not even half way there yet.

  10. Drown your sorrows in barrel loads of wine is what I say……it's worked for me for the past 10 years!! Have to say though, I loved my 30's!

  11. Good lord, girl- G. was right- what the hell is this? I am 53 proud of it, still wear miniskirts, (whether I "should" or not) and– I suppose I'm bragging here – push up bras are not yet a necessity, but if they were I'd wear one of those, too. In the US, there is something called AARP which I was invited to participate in on my 50th year. I am happily a member- I enjoy all sorts of 'senior citizen specials' having now officially qualified for that title for the past three years. My friends were appalled when they received their application for membership. being quite thrifty, I was thrilled. I earned those discounts on trips, flights, car rentals, meals, insurance, even theatre tickets! Just as I've earned every other badge of age. I really disliked my thirties because I was still (as I know you know from reading my book) cowtowing to what G rightfully names in his rebuttal essay – "brainwashing" But by the time I was 40 I finally was using the brain I was gifted with – (monkey genes be damned, G) and by 50 ,I was finally, comletely having a blast! I remember telling a friend of mine when I reached forty how much I loved it. She was older than I, and she said- "just wait till you hit 50 – it gets even better" Lord- was she right! Don't believe the bullsh*t the media hypes to you about growing older. They're lying. Everything seems to be better and nobody seems to mind my wrinkles – especially not me! But, if this isn;t enough to convince you to go out and celebrate on Thursday – there was the simple pragmatic answer to your dilemma uttered to me by my mother, when I told her tearfully, at age seven (on her thirtieth birthday, by the way) that I didn't want her to get old. She quirked her eyebrow at me and said, "it's either age or death.For now, I prefer the first choice.How 'bout you?"So- how 'bout you, honey? Happy birthday a day early. Look in our mag tomorrow. We have a surprise cooked up for you. Hope it cheers you up.

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  13. I turned 30 in July. But don't tell anyone as I've decided to stay 29. 29 was a good year though – much better than my early twenties.

  14. Not so sure I am going with hihi's comment, but anyhoo – the happiest of happy birthdays to you – that Starbucks we talked about? If it's not free because of shit service, it'll be my treat.
    Now, away with you, I have a gin to finish because me and my bridge club cronies are on a promise tonight. Gala have 1p play on!

  15. I'm always shocked when I hear people talking like this. My husband
    turned 29 this year and he was going on and on about how it was his
    last year of his youth and blah blah blah. Seriously, what's the big
    deal? It's not the middle ages anymore, 30 doesn't mean you're on the
    last leg of your life. Personally, I am looking forward to my 30s and
    my 40s. My twenties have been filled with a lot of painful "growing
    experiences" and I will be so glad to have all of that shit behind me.
    And you will still be fabulous, beautiful, and witty at 30. I promise.

  16. Thanks for the uplifting words of wisdom. The trouble with being 30 is that you can't see how you'll feel in 10 years time, if you could then me and my friends would probably be having far less trouble with it. I think you're right about the media, we are still at that age where they try and convince you that spending a third of your monthly salary on lotions and potions and fad diets will keep you young and we want to believe it. Hopefully by 40 I'll have stopped giving a crap and will be happy with my bits and bobs the shape they are! And I checked out the magazine – my biog is up!! And with a photo of me when I was only 26 too!! Bonus. Actually I do feel exactly the same as I did when I was 29. Only now I have a fancy new camera lens and a gorgeous watch….

  17. Thanks Jenn!! I think the problem is that I really enjoyed my 20s, I had uni, which I loved, my first 'co-habiting with my other half' experience, I got married, I bought my first house, I guess I'm worried that there won't be as many exciting and fun times in my 30s…

  18. Ha! Growing old disgracefully with bridge and gin, I like that PeteGraham! One good thing about being 30 is that I'm only a couple of decades away from being able to start, continue and finish the day with gin. My great aunt and all her geriatric friends were completely pissed on the G&Ts by lunchtime each day and continued that way till bedtime. And they still drove about too. So if you're ever in Berwick-on-Tweed, be careful and if you see an immaculately maintained Rover heading in your direction, dive behind the nearest solid barrier and hope for the best. I'll never forget her friend Zora going straight over the top of a roundabout. It was one of those big ones with grass, a flowerbed and a European funded sculpture on the top…

  19. I apologise for missing your birthday during my blogging absence.Hope it all went wonderfully well and I wish you much good healthand contentment during the next thirty years as well, by which time youwill be in the same position as me contemplating the third 30-year batch.(I've got Snowy as a mentor, so I'm OK ;-)Love your little anecdote about your great aunt and Zora.

  20. Thanks Gof, birthday went very well and I had a lovely party with all my brilliant friends which was great fun. I've now resigned myself to being 30 but am slightly nervous at the thought that my next '0' birthday will be 40. You're meant to be sensible and successful by 40 so I've got rather a lot of work to do….

  21. . You're meant to be sensible and successful Don't worry about the "sensible" bit…..I haven't achieved that yet.From reading your blogs I suspect you are already well and truly successful in all the ways that count in life.

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