The fridge-witch strikes again

The fridge-witch, as mentioned before for her constant whinging, nosy behaviour and insistence on sharing every cold she ever has with the entire office by coughing and spluttering while noisily informing us how very ill she is, has this morning gone too far. I'd headed down to the toilets for a pee, and I'm just sat there when she pokes her stupid head round the door and shouts 'Vicola, will you ring Linda on her mobile?'. What, WHAT?? For the love of god is nothing sacred? Firstly, how the hell did she know I was in the bog, I work at the other end of the building to her, is she bloody spying on me (quite possible since without fail EVERY single time I venture into the loo, she arrives 30 seconds later) and secondly, FUCK OFF I'M ON THE CAN! A message to ring someone on their mobile can wait 5 minutes until I get back to my office, there is no need to assert your knowledge of where I am by poking your head into the toilet to tell me to ring someone. I was so surprised that I didn't say anything, just sat there but next time the cheeky bitch is going to get told good and proper. There are some activities that should not be disturbed with pointless and non-urgent messages and taking a whizz is one of them. The woman is clearly socially inept.

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10 Responses

  1. Oh god, what? What?!? That's terrible. The one place in the office where you should be safe has been violated.
    Unrelated: there's a woman here who regularly takes her mobile into a cubicle to talk. I'm unsure whether she's multi-tasking. It riles me so much I flush the toilet as loudly as possible and dry my hands for ages (a) to disturb her conversation and (b) in the hopes that the person she's talking to says "you're ringing me from a bloody toilet? What the hell is wrong with you?" and hangs up.

  2. The guy talking and crapping in the cubicle next to the one I was in actually TOLD the person he was talking to he was crapping at the time and laughed…and carried on the conversation…I see you only have amateur level mobile crappers in your office…we have Olympic champions here.
    I left a note in the toilet saying "No shitting and talking on the mobile! EVOLVE PEOPLE!"

    and Vicola…in your place I would have shouted back: "Oh great, I tell you what, why don't you come in here and wipe me while I make the call right now! Go on…get right in here next to me so we can multi-task together, don't mind the rancid curry smell, squeeze right in and don't worry about the thin paper, I'm sure you can clean my ass with your tongue if it comes to that!! What do you say? Good idea?? COME ON! STEP RIGHT UP!!!"
    I really would have. And I am sure it would have solved the problem. I would also go past her desk every time I go and take a shit and ask her to come to the toilet with me so she would be sure not to miss any events in my life.

  3. I can not believe her! I think she was looking to waste time and walking around to deliver the message meant she could waste time. Sicko.

  4. There is no excuse for coming into a cubicle to disturb someone with a non urgent message, the unwritten social convention is that you don't disturb someone unless a) the building is burning down and they haven't noticed or b) the police have turned up and would like to arrest them. No other circumstance will do. And you certainly shouldn't be spying on your colleagues like a big creepy weirdo so that you know when they're on the loo. That's not right, much like phoning people while on the toilet. My brother used to do it lot and you wouldn't even realise until he flushed, vile….

  5. I'm planning to drop a 'bog-schedule' off on her desk, highlighting when I am planning to be on the can, for what purpose and for approximately how long. Then I'm going to sit on the stairs, wait till she goes in for a shit and once she's had time to get good and settled, poke my head round the door to inform her that the toner on the photocopier has run out, can she come and find me another one?

  6. It's the fact that she knew exactly where I was even though I work at the other end of the building that creeps me out the most. She's a freak and I swear she's bog-stalking me. The other week I came back from having a pee and she phoned down to my office, to check who was in my bit of the building and opened it with 'Ah, so you're finally out of the toilet then?". Eh? I was only in for long enough to take a whizz and what the bloody hell are you doing monitoring the amount of time I'm the loo for, you pervert?

  7. That is very peculiar! There used to be an HR woman where I work who would just appear in the toilets and stand at the mirror – we were all convinced she was hoping to hear something "juicy" coming from conversations between stalls. Women started walking up/down flights of stairs to go to toilets on other floors just to avoid her. Work shouldn't be fraught with so many challenges!

  8. Ermmmm what the hell stops her ringing Linda? That's before I get to the point of her cracking this out to you whilst you sit in one of the most vulnerable human positions ever in somewhere which is supposed to be sacred. As a bloke, I have the privilege of being able to stand whilst 'filling the tank' and at our place, that's in a row of 4 urinals in the area I use. I've been spoken to a couple of times – to coin one of your earlier phrases, 'mid-piss' – by people my junior and my senior and they all get the same response: "Fuck off, I am having a piss. If it is that important, email me". So I have to ask, presumably your company is in possession of an internal email/communication medium? I would suggest organising training for Fridge-Witch on not only personal ettiquette, but how to use a fucking computer. I'll apologise now for my language, but what a fucking tosser.

  9. I'm not putting Esto es Genial because this really isn't Genial at all.OK, you might have been sitting there with your ten Benson and a copy of The Sun, but, conceivably, you could have been ferreting about in your undercarriage trying to do one of those womanly things that women do in a womanly way. And no, that's not a euphemism for having a wank. I was thinking of more, ahem, periodic things.She's a right tool.

  10. Maybe you could wait until she's in mid-stream and then go into the loo and ask if she knows whethere there's any skimmed milk in the fridge.

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