Nobody panic – Alistair Darling has the answers!

Today is the day that Alistair Darling launches his pre-budget report. Normally I would ignore the pre-budget report because frankly it's as dull as fuck and he never says anything very impressive or funny so it isn't worth commenting on. However this is the last one before the election so in the spirit of 'I can't bitch about it if I didn't listen to it', I thought I'd give it a go.To be honest, most of it was still as dull as fuck but one thing caught my eye: Alistair's idea to levy a one off 50% tax on bonuses over £25000 paid by banks to their employees. Possibly unusually in today's society, I think this is morally fucking bankrupt and I'll tell you why.

Mr Darling claims, without even having the grace to blush, giggle a bit or twitch up and down like a schoolboy caught having a cig behind the bikesheds, that this one off levy is intended to deter big bonuses rather than raise revenue. Pull the other one Darling, it's attached to the foghorn. If you were going after big bonuses then your first port of call would have been to the appalling British Gas, whose reputation for ripping off the little man is second to none. In 2008 their CEO Sam Laidlow was given a more than handsome bonus of £1.65m in monetary reward and £1.8m worth of shares. Or perhaps Ally would have been requested the sort code and account number of Peter Rogers, the Chief Executive at Westminster City Council, who was given a bonus of £45,000, straight from the pockets of the Westminster City Council taxpayers. So 'intended to deter big bonuses'? I don't think so Alistair, let's have a bit of honesty.  Let's call it like it really is.

You're skint. Or, more accurately since you're a cabinet minister and are therefore creaming vast sums out of the taxpayer in salary and bonuses, the treasury is skint. It needs more money but the taxpayers don't like being asked for more and there's an election coming up. So, who do the taxpayers hate, with the exception of politicians because we all know that they're more likely to vote for Wales to be sold to the Arabs than a cut in their own income? Bankers. The public hate bankers because they earn shitloads and have been conveniently scapegoated for the entire mess that the UK is in. So, if Alistair levies a big tax on their bonuses then it's a vote winner and a money-spinner. Plus, he gets to give a massive kick in the nuts to some jumped up little shit who is 25 years younger than him yet earning 4 times as much. How very dare they? And that's what it's all about. It ignores all the cogent facts, such as the fact that levying a massive bonus tax on banks who haven't received any government money is akin to donning a pegleg, parrot and bandanna, raising the Jolly Roger over Westminster and broadsiding the Barclays building. Such as the fact that many, many organisations give out bonuses based on money they've extracted from the taxpayer but they're being ignored. Such as the fact the public aren't blind to the way that the government have carefully sculpted the image of bankers as horned bringers of penury, disease, pestilence and doom because as long as the public are blaming bankers for the mess the UK is in and spitting at them in the street then no one is looking too closely at the way nothing much has happened about the expenses scandal or enquiring too deeply about the fuck up the treasury have made of virtually everything they've touched in last 10 years. Some of the top bankers have warned that they will move out of the UK to avoid the tax but Darling says he 'will not be held to ransom by the banks'. This is because he's an utter moron and has not yet worked out that a wholesale walkout of banking personnel would wreak absolute havoc on an economy that has already contracted more than he expected. He's also not thought about the fact that these people earn such a huge amount of money that they can afford the very best lawyers. You can bet your payrise, if indeed you got one, that all over the City mobile phones are being pulled out and lawyers are being retained because you can be sure that they'll appeal this on the grounds of human rights. And it's a fair point, if you've not received government bailouts and you're not paid by the state, how can it be legal to levy a penalty based purely on your occupation and no other? It's discrimination of the clearest and most blatant nature.

Yes Darling, we're not nearly as thick as you think we are, we're not convinced by the reasons you've given for this and after over ten years of your government's spin and lies, most of us have learned that if it's emerged from Westminster and it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and walks like a duck it's probably still a CCTV camera which will digitally record your DNA and up the tax take on your salary for the privilege, all in the name of the national interest.  

Read and post comments | Send to a friend


9 Responses

  1. It is rather ludicrous taxing the top bankers, these are the guys who know how to hide money better than anyone! I'm sure by now most of them have renegotiated their bonus schemes so that they get paid in shares or higher pension stakes or perhaps they might agree to be paid a lump sum a few years down the line when the furore has died down. All money that the treasury can't touch.Try again Mr. Caterpillar brows!

  2. I know that Barclays Wealth, the major investment arm that deals with the megabucks have split the bonuses paid to their execs so that they receive it in four chunks spread over a couple of different tax years. Which would mean that for anyone with a bonus of less than £50k they won't receive anything in the 50% tax levy bracket.Anyone over that will probably negotiate to have three chunks paid in the second year, when the 'one off payment' is done and dusted.

  3. Makes sense, I would certainly do the same if I earned silly money like that.

  4. I like KOA's comment that the high fliers have the means to avoid tax.Your average wage earner will as usual get slugged the most.The more things change, the more they stay the same.

  5. Bang on, as usual. Just as there are more ways than one to skin a cat, there's more ways than one to skim a bonus. And going for the 'small' end of the bonus scale with a tax is blatantly all about raising revenue, not penalising the bonus culture. Darling is an arse.

  6. According to breakfast news this morning, Brown has been talking to that slimy little shit Sarkozy and they between them have decided that there should be a worldwide one off tax on bankers bonuses this year. Because not content with blatantly launching a smash and grab on the current accounts of bankers in their own countries, they've somehow got confused and ended up believing they are rulers of the universe so have the right to impose this crap on other places too. Pair of wankers.

  7. Thing is, does Brown honestly expect that everyone has forgotten that he was Chancellor for a huge amount of time during which the restrictions on banking practices were relaxed, to the point where the immoral kind of risk-taking that we've seen became allowed? Rhetorical, sorry.

  8. Brown thinks that the electorate are more stupid than a flock of brain damaged sheep and have a shorter memory than goldfish so I suspect that yes, he is thinking that everyone has forgotten that he altered practices and gave control to the useless waste of a lot of money that is the FSA.

  9. Ach – just another example of ill-thought out, knee-jerk and rubbish legislation which, as you say, is probably illegal anyway.
    And as for titchy Sarkozy and grumpy Brown thinking that anyone anywhere else is going to take a blind bit of notice of their bleatings ….. gah. Double gah.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: