Stupidity in the snow

Today I would like to bestow three special stupidity awards in the seasonal category of 'snow related idiocy'.

1) To the woman on the min-roundabout on Ringley Road – It's a mini roundabout love, you don't have automatic right to just drive where you like. In case you were too stupid to understand the writing in the Highway Code I'll explain it to you very slowly and very clearly. When you get to the mini-roundabout, look to your right. If I am 20 feet away from you on the road, heading your way, you stop. What you most definately do not do is just blithely drive up the road on my left then turn, without even an indication and sail across the mini roundabout without bothering to turn your head and look what's coming. Contrary to the widely held belief in your area, driving a Mercedes does not give you automatic right of way at any junction and the likely outcome of such behaviour is a Peugeot shaped dent in the side of your car. Also, may I remind you that glaring and gesturing at the person who has just beeped you because you've nearly caused them to crash may well one day lead to you being dragged out of your car at the next set of traffic lights and beaten until you see sense. You have been warned, you pig ignorant bint.

2) To the couple outside Morrisons – I realise that waiting for a break in the traffic is annoying, really I do but there's one thing you need to understand: the stopping distance on several inches of compacted and frozen snow is up to ten times what it would be on an ordinary road. This means that your kamikaze leap in front of my vehicle was at best ill advised. at worst suicidally stupid. Shaking your head at me as I miss you by a cat's whisker is fine but you're forgetting two things, 1) that this is a road and if you step into into it in bad conditions I'm not going to be able to stop on a sixpence, even if I am only driving at 15mph and b) if you'd looked I HAD attempted to break. A closer examination of the situation would have revealed that although the car was going forward, the wheels were in fact not going round. So next time why don't you think a little more carefully because I'll be honest, I don't think it's worth you ruining the front of my car in order to get into the supermarket 10 seconds quicker than you would have done had you just let me go past and then crossed. Twats.

3) To the man who cleared his driveway on Sargeants Lane – It's annoying when there's snow on your driveway isn't it? It makes it difficult to move the car and there's a danger that you might skid on it and hit your garage doors. Having tried to clear ours yesterday, I know that it's really hard work and so to have cleared every last inch of yours must have taken a lot of time and energy, for that I commend you. I just have one teeny weeny issue with your little project and it is this – was it really the wisest idea to create two four foot walls of moved snow blocking the ENTIRE pavement on either side of the path that your car takes from driveway to road, you gormless numpty? For sheer snow related selfishness, this one deserves a gold medal because now, you can drive your car smoothly and without interference from your driveway onto the road but anyone wishing to walk up the pavement has to risk life and limb wandering into the middle of the icy road, as you have completely and utterly blocked the pavement. Anyone in a wheelchair or with a pushchair is frankly fucked. Bit of thought for someone other than yourself might not go amiss next time you self-centred pillock.

Given that Britain is still in the grip of the 'big freeze' I have no doubt that we'll see some more examples of snow related ridiculousness but on a positive note, may I say a massive well done to lads at the top of my parents' road who have built a 6ft snow igloo, complete with seat and England flag. Brilliant.

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24 Responses

  1. Go on… give us a pic of the igloo please 🙂

  2. Sadly I didn't get one yesterday and I can't currently get to the parents house because I can't get up the hill but I'll ask one of them to go up and get a piccie that I can stick up. It's a most brilliant igloo, I was very very impressed. I also saw a 'snow dalek' which was pretty fabulous and a 'snowlady' complete with pink leopard print bra!

  3. Excellent. Last year I saw a snow west highland terrier – very clearly that type of dog. Another thing that looked like a lion, and a few other animals. A snow dalek founds fabulous.

  4. There are clearly some creative types in your town; I saw nothing on my walk to work, not even on the beautiful snowy canvas of Streatham Common.
    Driveway Man is either massively selfish, or a dolt. I think you should string a banner proclaiming this between his snow pillars. THAT'LL LEARN HIM.

  5. I did contemplate knocking up a 'Selfish Twat of the Year' certificate, laminating it and glueing it to his car once it goes dark..Or falling over his snow heap and then sueing him because apparently if you don't touch the snow and someone falls over on it it's an act of god. If you move the snow and someone then falls over your modified heap, it's your fault and you get done. I could do with my holiday fund receiving a kick start….

  6. I was out too early to see any snow sculptures, but your post made me think you might appreciate this.

  7. It's funny because it's true. Despite the fact that Sweden has snowfall measured in feet and manages to continue, we have a few inches and announce the beginning of armageddon. It's mental.

  8. [c’est top]

  9. Walking to get some food today I had to traverse a couple of those snow mountains left on the pavement by inconsiderate driveway clearers, I had a good mind to break their windscreens. Perhaps I'll return in the dead of night and sort them out! Grr!On the way into town I saw a brilliant snowman in a green area next to my house, I thought I'd get a picture of it when I got back but some drunken idiots apparently smashed it to pieces in the afternoon. No accounting for class around my area…

  10. LOL – love the idea of the igloo. There are zillions of people who do not understand how to drive into/out of roundabouts and this morning I encountered people who did not know how to read STOP on a sign where I have to cross the road – there was no ice on the road so this idiot has no excuse for almost hitting me (and I started into the crossroad when he was about 50 yards away).
    And … I hate when people do that with their "excess" snow! I've trodden into a hill and had my boots filled with disgusting water from the bottom snowmelt – yes silly me I thought the hill would be solid.

  11. It's completely mind boggling how so many people fail to consider anything outside their own little blinkered sights …. Gawd.

  12. Always enjoy the awards you hand out to car drivers, and reading all the "Northern Hemisphere" blogs this winter has given me a new understanding that snow is not just some pretty white stuff that Santa sleighs around on.

  13. Wot you sed. People don't know how to do the driving thing in bad weather; they're all twunts.

  14. Personally i think the award for cretinity goes to the media at large and weathermen throughout the island that is Great Britain.
    They labelled this paltry inch of snow as if the new ice-age had suddenly come upon us and frozen mammoths were dropping out of the sky while the human race goes hypothermically towards extinction.
    It's an inch of snow. Can we all say pa-the-tic? Sad bastards.
    I want to parachute them all in Siberia really.

  15. Genetics I suspect. Or where I live it could be something to do with having spent their entire giro cheque on Special Brew and superstrength skunk.

  16. Grim, it's horrible when the snow starts to get all brown and slushy! Here it's now brown but since the temperatures have dropped to minus ten or so at night it's not slushy but utterly solid and a bit like a grubby ice rink. Bloody lethal.

  17. Snow is lovely on the day it falls, if you're not working anyway. After that it gets annoying. Now we've got freezing temperatures it's bloody lethal because it's no longer fluffy and crumbly, it's compacted into sheet ice. It got to minus 17 here in Manchester the other night. I'm pretty sure that must be a record.

  18. Have you only got an inch in London? We've got 9 inches here! It was lovely when it was new and fresh, not so much now its compacted down to sheet ice, leaving my car going backwards down hills and sideways round corners. It's not the end of days like the media eejits are making out but it is a royal pain in the arse.

  19. There are 4 inches round my neck of the woods in north London and it is a right royal pain in the arse – they've only gritted main roads so our car won't go anywhere and it took me over two hours to collect the children from nursery/after school club last night on good ole public transport. Only the bribe of crisps and mango juice prevented tears (mine and theirs).

  20. It's compacted ice down my way in Sarf Eeees Lunnon – I slithered down the hill to the station this morning with much trepidation owing to my cracked tailbone from the last freeze before Christmas. I was surprised at the complete lack of ice on the pavements in Holborn when I got here ….

  21. Cracked tailbone? Ouch, that sounds particularly nasty. Eveywhere here that isn't a major main road is compacted ice, it's hideous. The novelty of snow and cold weather wore off quite some time ago.

  22. It certainly didn't improve my Ibiza trip, I can tellya ….
    Couldn't agree more re the snow etc – bored with it now. No sign of a let up yet, though. Ack.

  23. I've only seen a scant inch. But anyway…really unless it's three meters of snow it's not a national emergency. And even then if they can function with seriously over a meter of snow in one little village in italy (where in some places it banked to 3-4 or even more meters, completely covering some houses and you had to tunnel to get to the front door) I personally have been in at the time and still function down roads, in shops etc, i see no reason why they can't do it in the UK too.
    Chains exists for car tires. Snow shoes too. I mean come on people….what would Ranulph Fiennes think of you lot….??? He'd probably make you clear your driveways in high heels and lingerie just to prove the point that it's not actually the end of the world. Well i hope he would anyway. I'd like to see it anyway.

  24. wow,just saw the weather for england today,your really getting hit over there with more to come,we are supposed to get snow flurries in florida tonight,i think i'll just stay home with some popcorn watching the cars slide down the road

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