Wanker of the Week

Thanks to BBC News this week's wanker comes courtesy of the assassination of one catchily named Mahmoud al-Mabhouh, a Hamas Commander who reports suggest was in Dubai to buy weapons for the Palastinian Islamist movement. Mahmoud was bumped off by a group of people, 6 of whom were carrying forged British passports in the name of real British-Israelis. Imagine how surprised they must have been to find that the authorities thought they were prowling round a Dubai hotel in the dark carrying a semi-automatic instead of in Surrey watching the late night re-run of Glee on the new plasma screen.
 
There is, understandably, a belief by many that this attack was carried out by Mossad, not only because Mossad have in the past used false passports from friendly countries (provoking a number of diplomatic rows), not only because this hit apparently bears the hallmarks of a Mossad assassination, but also because they happen to be engaged in a war with Hamas at the moment. Which does make them the prime suspects, whichever angle you look at things from.

All of which makes the pronouncements of Israel's foreign Minister, Avigdor Lieberman, absolutely priceless.

Mr Lieberman said there was 'no reason to blame Israel and Mossad. I don't know why we are assuming that Israel or the Mossad used these passports'. No, of course not.I can't imagine why anyone would jump to that entirely unreasonable conclusion. Honestly, the whole world is always picking on poor little Mossad….

Apparently, "there is no reason to think that it was the Israeli Mossad, and not some other intelligence service or country up to mischief". Well quite, it was probably those pesky Finns, you know what they're like, last week it was hiding an old herring behind the boardroom curtains, this week it's forging a number of european passports and using them to murder the commander of a group that the Israelis happen to be at war with. What next from these impish Scandanavians? Whoopee cushions in the senate? Swapping the sugar for salt in Helsinki's US embassy building? Global thermo-nuclear war?

He did not however deny Israeli involvement, possibly because he was afraid of being struck by a thunderbolt from above on the way out of the building, saying merely "Israel never responds, never confirms and never denies. There is no reason for Israel to change this policy". I realise that Israel seems to have a somewhat slap-dash attitude to diplomatic relations but I'd beg to differ Mr Lieberman, for the simple reason that European passports were used in this killing so it would be polite to at least let the countries whose security pass documents have been forged know whether your agents did it or not. It's called manners. It's especially important when even your own former agents are claiming it looks like an Israeli operation.

So there we have it, Avigdor Lieberman, a man who doesn't give a fuck about diplomatic relations with Europe and who would deny it was him who stole the cookies even if he was found with his hand in the jar, crumbs down his front and a CCTV tape of him committing the crime. Sometimes Mr Lieberman, the nobler way is to just 'fess up.

But when looking at this crime we mustn't forget the other victims, the real owners of the names and numbers on the forged passports, such as Daniel Hodes, who said "I don't know how they got my details, who took them. I haven't left the country, I think, for two years and I've never been to Dubai ever. I don't know who's behind this, I'm just scared, these are major forces". Indeed they are Mr Hodes, you're not wrong. So as you drift off in your comfy bed tonight, spare a thought for 6 British-Israelis who will be spending the foreseeable future sleeping with the lights on, their eyes open and a secret services guard outside. And for Mr Lieberman, who I suspect doesn't lose sleep over anything very much.

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5 Responses

  1. Excellent rant Vicola – and spot on!

  2. Israel is, according to Israel, above the law at all times. Marvellous.

  3. Well written Vicola. Far too often Israel does not accept it's share of responsibility for the part it plays in the middle east conflict.

  4. They do seem to be getting rather high-handed at the moment. Yes, Palastine is not a sweet little innocent but dicking around with passports from other nations is not big or clever and just stadngin back and claiming you're too important to answer questions on this is not fucking on. At all. Their attitude worries me.

  5. Who, Isreal? They'd never do ANYTHING wrong! They're not EEEvil. Not like those Palestinians. They're the VICTIMS, remember. No, that wasn't them bombing the Gaza into oblivion. They were FIGHTING BACK against oppression.Lieberman can kiss my brown ass – the conscience-less, hypocritial, lying bastard.(As you can see, I'm done being nice. Too many people are pissing me off these days.)

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