It’s just another turn on the rollercoaster ride of fun.

You know when you have one of those days that is just abysmally shit from the very beginning to the very end? Well today sits firmly in the category of 'proof that someone up there hates me'.

I got up at 6am, a half hour earlier than normal because I've got to go to a water treatment works in the backwaters of fuck knows where to find it's fricking snowed again. Great. So I defrost the car and put the postcode into the sat nav, which promptly informs me that it can't find any satellites. Naturally, because there are absolutely no satellites operating over the Manchester area. I drive down the road thinking that it'll pick up some signal as I go but it doesn't. What it does inform me is that there has been an error in programming my route. I press the off button but it's not working. At which point I lose my temper and drop the sat nav, something that might not have been so bad had it not had the car charger plugged in to it.When I pick it up I find that the jack point that the charger plugs into has somehow bent into the gadget. I instantly make this better by trying to prod the end of the charger into the jack, something which doesn't achieve charging but does achieve forcing the entire jack into the body of the sat nav. Fabulous. Now not only have I fucked up the Tom Tom but I'm lost in the foothills of christ knows where, with no idea where I am, how to get where I should be or how to get home. And I'm going to be late for the meeting.

Eventually I arrive at the meeting, late, and am treated to 2 hours of utter tedium and professional faffing from the meeting holders. Could anything be more fun?

After the meeting I get back to the office to find that not are the jobsworths in a complete tizz about something stupid and pointless but I also have a raft of emails asking me to do things that people higher up can't be bothered with.

I'm meant to go to the gym on the way home but can't be arsed so go straight to my house.

Where I discover that the dog has got the shits again. Perfect.

I'm now sat here waiting for the meteor to hit my house and the avalanche to destroy the garden, just to finish off what has been a truly momentous day. Lovely.

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15 Responses

  1. It's because you live in Manchester you know. It's a well known place of Divine Disgrace and if we were living in Biblical time then I am certain that "… the Lord God would smite it from the face of the Earth as a blot on the land and a pestilence on the name of good men".

    There, there, don't you feel better now ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Up is the only way from now.

  3. I had to look up faffing …I'm almost reticent to answer this, because somehow a virus will attach itself to my reply and cause your computer to melt down …

  4. Thank you G, indeed I do. I was wondering why today was such an effing shambles but now all is clear. Ta for that!!

  5. I tend to forget that not everyone speaks the fine language of 'Northern' and so 'faffing' might not be international. I had to explain 'eejit' and 'numpty' to someone the other day as well….

  6. Isn't it funny though, how having an unexpectedly easy win can also make one feel as bad-tempered and disgruntled as an all-round shit of a day?Hope tomorrow is better for you.x

  7. Hellola Vicola…Now that I have rolled yet another little brown ball of something in the venue of puns, platitudes and the insincere greetings of most…I say hello…I also recommend a dose of Kipling's 'American Notes'…The man had 'dry humor' down…If that does not work I will give you a tool for human, in the venue of women's rights which is not only a terrible testiment to the way woman have been legislated into everything from beds to witches stakes…when there was a child involved…The origin of the word fuck…It is really real and probably as true as anything else you are likely to hear since King James made a deal to translate the bible…Have a good one and don't conjur up any evil spirits…Leave that one to the maladies of your family canine friend…In the meantime it is all night blooming jasmine…or clean sweat…Do not worry about anything…Sounds as if you missed the late part of more boring and pedestrian or sententious or whatever…Peace Tony

  8. wow. That last message makes it seem to me as though you may have acquired your very first drug-addled stalker.One can only hope it's not a close relative…

  9. Cheers Tony! I learned that the one of the possible origins of the word 'fuck' is from when the British had a colony somewhere or other and were trying to discourage the soldiers of the garrison from indulging in a bit of traditional raping and pillaging. So they arrested any that they found misbehaving with local ladies and as prisoners had their charge written on their cell door, the doors of these blokes read "Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge", hence 'fuck'. 3 years on a university degree and that's the most useful thing I remember.

  10. Without knowing we usually see what we are…the essence of my paper…is self realization…in the sense of growing into oneself…as a race of people…as mammals…Of course that is heavy for fooling around and comic relief…about a 'meeting' I know nothing about…have a good one…Peace Tony

  11. Vicola…That is excellent…I heard the 'American? version'…'Following the implement of Medieval Times and the subsequent fairy tales people seem to drive into excuse, reason or purpose…a Mayor, Proctor or Minister may have his eye caught…by a sweet young thing. As he excercised his political position and the lables of the times…sometimes what is truely natural happened. Viola..a child…never to be born. These were the events that followed…being the law of the labeling of the times…And the politician…under any name or guise…would point a finger yelling 'Witch'…A bad label for those times…She would be drowned or burned at the stake…buried in unconsecrated ground…with DOB…Date of Demise…and the euology…For Unholy Carnal Knowledge. Later they lost the name…birthdate and date of death and simply put FUCK…I did make reference to the probable…'as likely to be true as…'. I find it fascinating that two people…of different times and generations…can find this commonality in explanation…best told tongue in cheek…Since first hearing the tale…that is the first time I have gotten a response in kind…before the fact of expression…I am exploring this wonderful tool…I used to install these things…One of our clients…for the Mac franchise…which my friend of lettered computerism…held…was a dectective agency in Santa Monica. Very high end. I knew there was something for everyone in these things when the manager of this 'High end decttive agency…most had been to university…or had left 'public service'…was found pounding on the keys of his expensive machine…one of about ten in the office. We charged him a good chunk of money to plug it in…I wonder if the message of this communications machine was lost on him…or if he just overcharged someone else…Interesting these times…more people…the same thing as before…As we come to the time of the true individual…Peace Tony

  12. Tomorrow is going to be so bloody fabulous that you won't be able to resist blogging about it ๐Ÿ™‚ Well thats the theory anyway.

  13. Nope. It's now tomorrow and it's not going any better so far. Instead of going out to charm the Altrincham Golf Club committee, which could have provided real blogging gold, I'm now stuck in the office filling in stupid subcontractor forms ALL frigging day, because a site agent in dire need of a bitch-slap has thrown his dummy out of the pram. Am a mere one phone call away from going nuclear….

  14. In twenty years of investigating 'grass roots corruption'…when it became obvious to me that the strains of meglomania would again test the constitution…I found that 'sub' contractors are a luxury…One example…'farming work out'…to have time in takeing care of the 'important' clients…I play music and write…It was something that Press Credintials helped with when following the what was…I wish you luck in dealing with those who sometimes do not deal…Just hammer two boards together…with aluminum nails…and then pick up the pot…Peace Tony

  15. i just heard england is going to have their first''tea party'' are you going to take pictures.!?

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