Votes for women

I would like to ask a question of our local MP, who is standing for re-election in the forthcoming election. why do you keep sending reams of election and campaigning material to our house addressed solely to Mr Vicola? I can think of only three possible reasons:

1) You are not aware that woman now have the vote. If this is the case let me enlighten you – back around the turn of the last century a group of determined women called the Suffragettes campaigned to ensure that women were not placed in the same voting category as minors, criminals and lunatics and were allowed to voice their views via the ballot box. Thanks to their efforts women over 30 were granted the vote in The Representation of the People Act of 1918. In 1928 this was extended to 21, the same age as men and in 1969 the voting age was lowered to 18. So there you go, we CAN now vote. You might want to spread this news throughout your party because The Brother's Wife has been irritated by the Labour candidate in her ward who is doing exactly the same thing so also obviously doesn't realise either. This gives you a whole new batch of people to aim for but since you've only got a week and a half you might want to pull your finger out of your arse and get moving. We are after all a key marginal constituency and so pissing off 50% of the residents by not acknowledging their importance may be considered a little unwise.

2) You think I'm just the little woman indoors and don't need to be targeted as I'll just vote how my husband instructs me. If this is the case I can assume that your secretary never passed on the letter I sent you about my feelings on your government's performance and the Civil Contingencies Act. Perhaps they passed it straight to MI5 to be filed under 'Dangerous Subversive', who knows? Anyway, the upshot is that I make up my own mind. Mr Vicola has long since worked out that the safest way to ensure I don't do something is to instruct me that I have to do it and it's about time you learned the same. We women are allowed to think for ourselves these days, we're even allowed to have jobs! What a brave new world of emancipation you're encountering today eh?

3) You don't give a crap how I vote. This is technically possible since your government has shown time and again that they couldn't give a flying rat's arse what the electorate thinks as they assume we all have the IQ of a polystyrene ceiling tile and are quite happy to be shafted from all directions by our ruling elite however I will point out once again that we are a key marginal constituency and so the rules of the game instruct that you have to at least PRETEND not to have utter contempt for your constituents until the polling stations close at 10pm on 6th May. Play the game sir, play the game.

Oh and if anyone from the BNP is reading this, could I please request that you send me a large box of your campaigning leaflets? They are on that non-glassy paper you see and so are superb at soaking up wee from the bottom of the guinea pig hutch, saving me the cost of buying a newspaper. Thanks.

And if anyone from the 'English Democrats' is online – If you're going to stand on a platform of 'England is great' then you need to get someone with at least a rudimatary grasp of English grammar to proof read your election leaflet before sending it to the printer. 'Form filling' is two words, not one and the guy in your party is 'Mayor OF Doncaster', not 'Mayor OR Doncaster'. Also note, the comma was created for a reason.

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12 Responses

  1. Excellent stuff. You should email a link to this piece, to said MP.

  2. I would but being nothing more important than a little woman and a constituent, he wouldn't bother reading it anyway.

  3. My local MP is a woman and where I live has always been considered a safe Lab seat. Which means I'd never, ever seen her. Until one evening last week when I tottered down the steps of my local station to find her, in a bright red jacket with matching lippy, smartly shod and asking for my support. (Well, not just mine, obviously, I just happened to be first off the train …).
    'Sorry, I have absolutely no idea who you are ….', I said as I breezed past.
    They really must be bricking it if she's bothered to get off her arse to visit our ward. Good.
    (nice post as per, by the way ..)

  4. Hello..It is really good to see folks..finding their rights in these extreme times. A spirit shown. Understanding what one wants to identify so important..Kudos..Peace Tony

  5. Ours very rarely bothers to visit his constituency, preferring to stay in London being Minister with Portfolio For Something Fucking Pointless. I doubt he could even find his constituency if someone took away his sat nav.

  6. He read your letter, and he reads your blog … and he's afraid of you …

  7. I just want to know…did you ask your husband's permission before being allowed near the expensive machine with the keys similar to a typewriter?

  8. He should be. I am the kind of person you don't want to encounter during an election campaign, especially if I'm annoyed….

  9. No, I sneaked into his forbidden study while he was off servicing his PA and used it without his permission. Then I went back downstairs and continued ironing his socks and undercrackers…..

  10. hahahah

  11. I would hope that we've moved on during the last century….I wonder how your MP got elected last time with this attitude.

  12. He got in last time because we live in a very Jewish area, he's Jewish and the other candidates weren't. However since the last election he's left his nice Jewish wife for a Catholic woman who was not best pleased when it emerged that he'd been sending obscene texts to a researcher half his age. So his victory is not quite as certain as last time….

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