Mr Useless strikes again….

Today we have a department meeting to discuss the actions we were given for the big audit at the last department meeting a few weeks ago. We were all given pages of things to do except for Mr Useless who was given one task. One. Uno. In the singular.

This morning he swans into my office, "Did you take minutes at the last meeting?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Well it's just that I've forgotten what procedure it was I was meant to alter."

"You only had ONE thing to do!"

"But I didn't write it down and neither did you."

Of course, I'd completely forgotten that it was my responsibility to ensure a man ten years older than myself did what he was supposed to do. How remiss of me. 

Then Boss Lady comes into the office.

"Vicola, would you mind taking minutes at today's meeting because it turns out some people have forgotten what they're supposed to be doing".

So now I have to write down everything because one member of the team is too stupid to do it himself. A member of the team who, I might add, earns more than I do. Give me strength.

I can only assume that there's someone on site stood next to him all day reminding him to breath in and out on a regular basis so that he doesn't keel over and die.


UPDATE: Boss Lady has just sashayed into my office and informed me that I need to tidy my workspace, get a bit of feng shui going on in here. My look of incredulous rage and curt reply that between dealing with all the subcontractors, holding Mr Useless's hand through life, doing sections of Mr Useless's job because he's incapable and doing all the other work that I have to do or no one else wants to do doesn't leave me with a great deal of time to feng bloody shui the office hasn't been lost on her. She muttered something about busy, scarpered and is now avoiding me. Tidy the fucking office? Are you on glue woman? I tell you what, you give some of the shit that always gets dumped on my desk to some other poor twat to do and I'll make my office beautiful. How does that grab you?

For fuck's sakes. It's 9.30am and I require the services of a gin and tonic already.

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16 Responses

  1. Top class ranting! But don't forget… a few hours til a long weekend.

  2. Oh dear. *hands Vicola stiff G&T*

  3. What a tosspot that man is. And Boss Lady is definitely asking for trouble – perhaps a nice smelly kipper tucked into one of her desk drawers – left over the long weekend, it would be very fragrant by the time she comes back in?

  4. Thankfully its Friday and you shall soon be free! At least you have the backbone to stand up for yourself.. things could be a lot worse if you didn't.

  5. Is there something wrong with having gin & tonic at 9.30am? :-)My reception desk always looks really untidy because I'm also the Office Manager which means everyone brings everything to me to do or complain about. It's amazing how needy and useless some people can be – and yes, they always earn more money than the worker bees.Whenever I'm told to tidy the desk because someone "important" from Corporate is coming I just chuck everything in a big box and then bring it all out again after the inspection.

  6. Believe me, I'm counting the minutes…

  7. It's definetly gin o'clock. The useless twat has just been sat in the meeting and has suddenly gone "Oh, I know why I can't follow the questions, I've only printed the even numbered pages so I've not got half of the document". This is the 2nd hour of the 2nd meeting we've had about this, so 6 hours in and he's only just figured this out. Dear god.

  8. She's off on holiday for a fortnight from today, a smelly kipper in her desk drawer would indeed be a mighty weapon by the time she returns!

  9. That's what I'm considering too. I've been eyeing up some cardboard boxes in the corridor and I may hide some stuff in there. Alternatively I may just sweep everything off my desk in a big 'falling down' moment and flounce out of the building in search of gin….

  10. He's probably thinking about getting into politics and becoming your next MP, so therefore has better things to do than remember the ONE thing when there is a woman around to do it for him …

  11. And when you've finished tidying up the office could you clean the bogs? And wash the windows? And repaint the white lines in the carpark? There's a good girl. πŸ™‚

  12. Now I know why I work for myself.Come to think of it, I occasionally have problems with my employer too. πŸ™‚

  13. Fabulous rant! πŸ™‚ Sounds a lot like my days (different things but same spirit).
    Also makes me remember a previous job where the owner kept telling my boss to get me to wear lipstick and heels more often so I would be more presentable and do my job better. (how is that? we rarely ever had visitors in the office – and I was required to run all over hell's half acre to do this and that, which was not conducive to wearing heels)
    hope you got that stiff one! (drink that is…..)

  14. Hello..Sexist nonsense is what it looks like..He must be a 'very important nothing'. I fail to see how anyone can do that 'incompetent' without feeling sheepishly stupid..It appears you put them in proximity of their names and what they do..good for you..Peace T.

  15. Now this is the sort of rant which makes me realise why I miss Voxing so much. Missed you, V. Hope all is well with you and yours.

  16. PeteGraham!! Where have you been?? All is good here, been a bit slow on the blogging because work has been mad busy but it's quietened down a bit now so hopefully will be up and running again soon. How's things with you? What happened with the job?

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