Banking bollocks


Once again my temper is running on nuclear.

I have a Barclays bank account and use online banking. To access it I use a device called 'Pinsentry' which you put your card into, enter your pin number and it gives you a code that you can put into the online site that'll let you access it. Secure, brilliant, works well. That is until the battery dies, which it has on mine. So rather than be a massive girl about this, I decided to change the battery, which I assumed would be one of those little teeny tiny ones like you get in watches. I assumed this because thew back was held on with the tiniest screw I've ever seen in my life, seriously, it's miniscule and to remove it I was going to have to find a screwdriver of such monumentally small proportions that even MI5 would have to have the damned thing custom made. Needless to say that I didn't have one. So I tried to remove it using a variety of other implements. Epic fail, I think it might be made of plasticine disguised as metal and the end result was a mangled looking chunking of silver mess still firmly holding the back in place.

The temper finally went and I gave in.

I rang the bank and ordered a new one and they helpfully gave me 'basic access' which allowed me to move money around my accounts meaning I could pay the mortgage. Good. The credit cards I paid on the phone.

This morning I remembered that I hadn't paid my store account. I logged onto their website and attempted to pay via their secure payment site. Fail. So I rang them to find out why. Apparently, I can't make a payment because my card isn't registered to the address where the account is registered. The account is registered to my parents address because if clothing is delivered to their address and left in the porch, there is a fighting chance it might still be where it was left by the courier when someone arrives home. If it is left on my doorstep at the rougher end of town, it'll have been nicked before the driver has reached the end of my road. I asked if I could change the address the account was registered to and still have the clothes delivered to my parent's address. No. They have to be delivered to the place the account is registered. Genius, if only UPS and Fed-Ex had thought of using such a revolutionary system of working imagine how far they could have gone. Wow, they could have delivered stuff, well, back to where it was sent from. Amazing.

So I rang the bank to see if I could pay the account over the phone from their end. Because I don't have a telephone banking passcode that would be a no. I can go into the bank with my driver's licence and passport, that would be the one bank left in in our area, that constantly has a queue the length of which you would only see somewhere else if Tesco announced it was selling Manolo Blahniks for a fiver and closes around the time I finish work. That's before you take into account that I don't bring my passport into work, since a) everyone knows me and b) I don't have to cross any international borders to get to Trafford Park. In short, the one and only way I can pay this sodding account is to give my mother some cash and get her to pay over the phone using one of her cards that's registered to her address.

Sheer brilliance, security that's so secure I can't access my own money or pay my own account. Give me strength.

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Wanker of the Week

This week's wanker is unfortunately unnamed, I have no idea who the wanker is, what the wanker looks like or why they thought their idea was a good one. This week's wanker is……the PR Pillock that informed Gordon Brown he needed to smile more in the run up to the general election. We have gone from:

Potential leader of the UK who might be the one elected to deal with the running of the country to…..


Potentially dangerous lunatic who might be found running round the park with a knife and no trousers.


Well done Tarquin, fucking excellent suggestion. Now he actually looks as clueless as he is. I suspect Tarquin from Pretentious Prats PR might be a Conservative or Lib Dem stooge….


Still, at least we don't still have this amoral, slippery little twat in charge so things could be worse…

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