Banking bollocks

 

Once again my temper is running on nuclear.

I have a Barclays bank account and use online banking. To access it I use a device called 'Pinsentry' which you put your card into, enter your pin number and it gives you a code that you can put into the online site that'll let you access it. Secure, brilliant, works well. That is until the battery dies, which it has on mine. So rather than be a massive girl about this, I decided to change the battery, which I assumed would be one of those little teeny tiny ones like you get in watches. I assumed this because thew back was held on with the tiniest screw I've ever seen in my life, seriously, it's miniscule and to remove it I was going to have to find a screwdriver of such monumentally small proportions that even MI5 would have to have the damned thing custom made. Needless to say that I didn't have one. So I tried to remove it using a variety of other implements. Epic fail, I think it might be made of plasticine disguised as metal and the end result was a mangled looking chunking of silver mess still firmly holding the back in place.

The temper finally went and I gave in.

I rang the bank and ordered a new one and they helpfully gave me 'basic access' which allowed me to move money around my accounts meaning I could pay the mortgage. Good. The credit cards I paid on the phone.

This morning I remembered that I hadn't paid my store account. I logged onto their website and attempted to pay via their secure payment site. Fail. So I rang them to find out why. Apparently, I can't make a payment because my card isn't registered to the address where the account is registered. The account is registered to my parents address because if clothing is delivered to their address and left in the porch, there is a fighting chance it might still be where it was left by the courier when someone arrives home. If it is left on my doorstep at the rougher end of town, it'll have been nicked before the driver has reached the end of my road. I asked if I could change the address the account was registered to and still have the clothes delivered to my parent's address. No. They have to be delivered to the place the account is registered. Genius, if only UPS and Fed-Ex had thought of using such a revolutionary system of working imagine how far they could have gone. Wow, they could have delivered stuff, well, back to where it was sent from. Amazing.

So I rang the bank to see if I could pay the account over the phone from their end. Because I don't have a telephone banking passcode that would be a no. I can go into the bank with my driver's licence and passport, that would be the one bank left in in our area, that constantly has a queue the length of which you would only see somewhere else if Tesco announced it was selling Manolo Blahniks for a fiver and closes around the time I finish work. That's before you take into account that I don't bring my passport into work, since a) everyone knows me and b) I don't have to cross any international borders to get to Trafford Park. In short, the one and only way I can pay this sodding account is to give my mother some cash and get her to pay over the phone using one of her cards that's registered to her address.

Sheer brilliance, security that's so secure I can't access my own money or pay my own account. Give me strength.

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17 Responses

  1. I'm sorry it's so frustrating but your tale did make me smile. When I first came here I had no credit rating so they wouldn't give me a credit card – I had to be an add-on to the manservant's card. As he travels all the time his cc account address is his office – I have similar problems ordering things and places insisting that they will only deliver to the account address. Not that I would have anything delivered home where it would be stolen before the delivery guy had driven away, but I would like to have some things delivered to MY office so the manservant can't see ….. 🙂 As for the passport – well, I have a green card which I'm supposed to carry with me and never have for fear of losing it. I can put on a pretty good American accent though if I do happen to get pulled aside and asked "show me your papers" – and I do have an American drivers licence.

  2. Yeah, I totally understand the frustration. These extra security devices are brilliant until they stop working, and then everything becomes too difficult. I have an HSBC dongle and a Nationwide card-reader and I live in constant fear that they're going to conk out and leave me destitute.

  3. I would write a reply or even a post…but I have to contemplate the drawing and quartering of my ex-ex-ex-lawyer. Who …ONE YEAR after the fact is again asking me money I already paid him. And threatening legal action….I would write some strong words to him right away, if I had possession of a working scud missile on which to inscribe them before launch….

  4. Things going well then G??

  5. That is an extremely difficult question to answer weirdly enough!Things are going actually amazingly well on most fronts. It's just that of course this means that when super-excessive human stupidity intrudes on my blissful life it does so with a correspondingly much more jarring effect than ever before, which if my natural instincts were permitted to reign free, would mean that an immediate application of face-paint, grabbing of my tomahawk and much scalping of stupid white people would then take place with a blinding level of speed.

  6. The thing about the card readers is that if you're going to make a device that requires a battery to be changed, surely it's logical to make that device with a screw that can be changed using an ordinary screwdriver or better still, that doesn't require a screwdriver at all, like the back of the tv remote. Is it just me or should that not be obvious to someone designing a gadget that people are going to be reliant on?

  7. Do they really ask you to show your papers in the States? I've seen it on films but I didn't know it really happened! You don't get that here, although we do have 'stop and search', which is when the police can stop anyone they think is behaving suspiciously and search them for weapons or drugs etc. In practice they don't do it much in most areas because the associated paperwork makes it not worth the effort.

  8. No it does not make sense … but I'll bet they intend you to take it somewhere and have the battery changed – for a fee, of course.

  9. Hello..An interesting..if familiar story. It seems your cage is rattled by stupid..I..at times..'have no tolerance for stupidity'..(even if I do indulge on occassion)..I have seen security programs..if one aspect fails..the rest 'fail safe'..it appears you may be arguing with your own system. For the 'tiny' itsy bitsy screw..I have a pocket set of screwdrivers..they are in a black canvas or nylon pack and I keep them on hand for those esoteric times that are less esoteric in the times of questionable workmanship..employees..gadgets..games..greed..and money. Good luck..and keep on keepin' on..Peace Tony

  10. Woah dogies..Aren't the 'gifts of the Bush #43 admin. wonderous? I could puke. The consititution and human and civil rights were under severe and many times denied or fronted through 'for the good of' attack. It is historic fact that ignoring civil and human rights..disrespecting decency..leads to anarchy..civil war..revolution and just plain bad things..Peace Tony

  11. I'm going to have to get a set of those screwdrivers because I'm buggered if I'm going through all this the next time the battery dies.

  12. I wondered that too. Which is why I rang them and told them it was broken, it isn't, the battery is dead, you can tell because when you put your card in it says 'battery low', however I'm quite prepared to look like a complete cretin to save a few quid….

  13. They do exist as presented..no duplicity or humor in that part..they are not too expensive..I think I got mine buying speaker for my amp..Peace T.

  14. Travel tips just for the flight are important. The flight can be pretty difficult. When I went to Europe I was in airplanes for about 2 days and nights, and only managed 3 hours of sleep in total however, I watched lots of movies
    http://www.uknetguide.co.uk/Travel/Flights-to-Dubrovnik-Flights-to-Croatia-from-the-UK-104080.html

  15. Sadly I think in some areas they do – based on "racial profiling" even though they will deny it. I don't look any different to the average middle aged American woman so I doubt I would be asked. It is the law though, according to my green card papers, that I am meant to carry it with me – oooh I'm a scofflaw! LOL.

  16. Hi, Vicola,
    I haven't been able to particpate for a few months, due to a terminal inability to get on the website. Glad to see you've lost none of your bite. I've got one of the Nationwide's versions of your thingy. I only use it once or twice a year, consequently, I've always forgotten the forkin' password.

    When one phones virtually any organisation these days, you always get the Electronic Idiot. "Good Morning, welcome to Shagnuts plc. If you want a Mortgage, please press 1, if you are about to default on a Mortgage, please press 2…finally, if you wish to speak to one of our Customer Services technicians, please press #, or wait till we've stopped laughing long enough to talk to you. If you have already lost the will to live, why are you calling us? Please call the Samaritans on …….."

    I've just had a set of "bespoke" wardrobes delivered and installed, not, it has to be said, entirely to spec. Words were exchanged and they had to come back and do it again, properly. Everyone you spoke to seemed to be about 19 and to have English as a (distant) second language.

    Keep taking the medication…

    Regards,

    jtx

  17. Nice to see you back again!! Moron lines are one of life's little trials and I believe are some sort of test to see how determined you really are to speak to an operative. They've figured out if they can dissuade 60% of people by sending them through the system then they can save money on call centre operatives. Virgin Trains has a particularly amusing voice activated one that can't recognise the letter 'M' unless you sound like the Queen. That's fun when you're trying to get a ticket for the extortionately priced Manchester to London route I can tell you.

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