Once again I make a twat of myself

Well, the eye is on the mend, I think, still have to put 8 lots of eyedrops and 1 lot of eye cream in every day and go back to the clinic on Friday where I will get to while away a few hours in a waiting room before having my eyes examined by the most humourless doctor in the known universe. But it could be worse, I could have had to have the surgery they threatened me with so I'll take the extended wait in the eye-clinic of misery followed by Dr Cheerful anytime.

On Saturday we went to a BBQ. Mr V had a badminton dinner to attend and so I was left to my own devices. For this reason I blame him entirely for the carnage that ensued. By the time Mr V departed, me and The Best Friend had already drunk our way through some campari and orange juice and quite a lot of pink wine. Then the host, a lovely lady who I was meeting for the first time (who has moved in with a friend we've known for ages) suggested that me and Best Friend help her make punch. Massive, epic error. In went a bottle of vodka, a bottle of wine. some grape juice and some grapes (which Best Friend attempted to mash in the jug with a spud masher). Then some more wine went in and some orange juice. The booze content was massively higher than the non-booze content but to our already slightly pissed palates, the punch was not revolting paint stripper, it was fruity happy-juice. And so we drank plenty.

This is maybe why quite a lot of the evening is missing. Things I do remember include howling (and I do mean howling) along to Singstar in front of a lot of people we don't know, one of whom is a member of an award winning, well known band. I have been informed that I was sitting in the garden with Best Friend smoking cigs (I gave up two years ago so christ knows where I thieved them from) and sniffing poppers like we were 15 again. And probably talking absolute shite. I have very little recollection of going home although I do dimly remember removing my false eyelashes, shoes and trousers (not top or makeup), lying on the bed with the room moving about around me and thinking "This is really going to hurt in the morning". And it did, it really really did. I spent the entire day on the sofa trying not to move and to recollect a) how many years it was since I'd been that plastered and b) exactly how big a twat I'd made of myself. I didn't come up with an answer to either question.

Sometimes Best Friend and I are so classy it's painful…..

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Advertisements

17 Responses

  1. Drinks that taste of fruity happy-juice are a danger. Do you remember what songs you did? My Love Shack can clear a room (not a euphemism).

  2. I remember there was some Girls Aloud and quite a lot of others that I don't recall. What I do remember is that we really put everything we had into it, trying to be louder than the other team and I suspect that the effect was not exactly tuneful. I can't sing when I'm sober but the problem is that I THINK I can when I'm drunk. My toes actually curl under my feet when I stop and think of what an utter twat I must have looked. And sounded….

  3. LOL!!!! Sounds like some of my college adventures. I woke up at times not remembering exactly what happened and was horrified when I was told. I am usually an introvert but when drinking, I became quite outgoing and crazy. I will forever be thankful that there were no cell cameras in that day and time or I would never live down some of my more obnoxious stunts!! I feel for the young people today, who get it all recorded and posted, for posterity.

  4. I hate that stage late in the evening when you realise the extent to which you're going to hurt the next day. Sometimes, if I've a Big Night Out planned, I get the fear even before I've started drinking. But that's mainly because I'm a complete wuss nowadays.
    It does sound like a top night though.

  5. Someone tried to send a photo to my phone yesterday but my phone wouldn't accept it. I can't decide whether that's good because I can't see what a shambles I am or bad because it might be even worse than I'm expected. The fact that it's titled 'Looking good' makes me think it's a really horrific one. I don't usually get that pissed to be honest, I can only think of about 3 or 4 occasions in my life when chunks of the night have gone missing in my head, I have no idea what went so wrong but it wasn't just me, Best Friend is missing vast bits of it too. According to her husband, he took her home because she was so drunk she was annoying him!

  6. I also have the fear before I go out because my hangovers are so much worse than they ever used to be. I discovered a solution for a normal night on the booze – eat beef before you go out. Hot beef sandwich, burger, steak, whatever but some form of beef before you start drinking and you don't get anywhere near as bad a hangover. However there is nothing on earth that could have prevented Sunday's hangover. I didn't so much go to sleep as pass out and I'll be honest, I've no idea whether it was a good night. Probably. I thought I got home about 10pm, in fact Mr V, who I dimly remember laughing at me as I fell over in the hallway, informs me it was 1am. Considering this was an afternoon BBQ, that was not good news. If I could just remember what I was doing I could take a guess at how much of a tit I was but without any sort of clues I can't tell. The hostess said I wasn't a twat but I have a sneaking suspicion she's just being polite.

  7. It's amazing how some poppers always seem to turn up when you're off your tits and nobody owns up to bringing it. It's almost like finding a Queen tape in your car, you never bought one yet there it is…

  8. Ooh dear – I hate it when that happens. And it always seems like such a good idea at the time! Glad your eye's on the mend tho.

  9. Somewhere there's GOT TO BE a video of this …Glad the eye is better, btw.(What are poppers?)

  10. V, don't take this the wrong way but… I bet you're absolutely bloody hilarious when you're pissed. Thanks for making me smile. 🙂

  11. They do, you're right. No one EVER offers me poppers when I'm just a little bit merry but when I'm totally off my tits, there they are, all ready to make me feel like I'm 16 and sitting under the sinks in The Knowsley again…why must they always turn up at the point when it's least advisable for me to sniff dodgy substances?

  12. Cheers Plubby, eye on the mend, dignity in tatters. Such is life…

  13. I really do hope that there is no video, that would be too cruel. And I'm not sure any microphone could pick up the true horror of Best Friend, me and two other pissheads shrieking power ballads at the top of our impressively loud and tuneless voices. Poppers are alkyl nitrates, usually amyl nitrate or butyl nitrate that you buy from a crusty looking bloke in a shop that sells cig papers and bongs and smells of incense sticks. You inhale them and they make your head go all funny. You can imagine what a great combination they and the punch make…..

  14. I have a sneaking suspicion that anyone laughing on Saturday night was laughing AT me rather than WITH me. Best Friend's husband actually took her home because she was getting on his nerves by being loudly drunken so I suspect I wasn't any better. But then my other half had already buggered off to some other event so was not available to extract me before all shreds of my dignity were trampled into the dust and Best Friend was too pissed herself to help. Glad to know my idiocy is making someone smile!!

  15. I'm only just catching up around my neighbourhood – ouch, about your eye! I'm sure that was really scary having people poke about in there and I'm glad that it's recovering on its own without having to resort to surgery. At least the hangover kept your mind off your eye…..

  16. Well true, and it's on the mend now, just still infected so still requiring more eye drops per day than I'm ever going to remember to put in. And the downside is that full use of both eyes allowed me to enjoy in glorious detail how bloody abysmal England's football performance yesterday as they took a sound walloping from the Germans.

  17. that's awesome – and like someone above, totally sounds like some college adventure that my bestie and i had – the only reason i haven't had one like it in the last 10 years is because due to my tummy problems, i am not allowed to drink to the point of drunkenness – which, looking back on my college and grad school years (which may or may not have been worse, because by that time i'd learned to get things done early so i could go out and be "classy" – lol!), isn't a bad thing – on the other hand, being me, i have issues sometimes talking to people at things – i'm self-conscious, and the alcohol helped – i was a happy drunk and talked to EVERYBODY – sounds like you had a time – i'm jealous (though, i don't miss the after-effects!) – exceedingly glad your eye is better – i ended up with stitches in my leg and butterfly bandages on my forehead on two different occasions – and i still have a scar on my nose from anotheri'm sorry about England – we were pulling for Germany, though – too many friends there not to – 🙂 – think i may be pulling for Ghana now

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: