Hatchet-faced twatferret

You know how sometimes you have an ‘oops’ moment but it’s always too late to do anything about it? Well today Best Friend and I are having one of those moments and it’s all courtesy of a twatferret named Alice.

Best Friend and I joined a group on Facebook called ‘Child free and Proud’ or something like that. A few weeks back, this Alice bird contacted us (seperately) to see if we would like to put together a few thoughts on why women in this era are choosing more and more not to have children and how people react to that. So we did, we each wrote her a piece and sent it over. She got back in contact to ask a few questions and to tell us that our pieces were going to be put into a magazine, for which we would be paid the princely sum of fifty English pounds each. ‘Lovely’ thought Best Friend and I, ‘It’ll come in handy for the Food Fair in October and it’s nice to get our point of view across’. So we sat back and waited for the publication to come out.

This morning, publication day, I trundle out to the supermarket to buy a copy. I pick it off the shelf and scan the front cover to see if there’s any mention of our child free article. There is. “Childless and Proud – ‘Kids are boring and ruin lives”. This is the first inkling I have that Alice The Horn-Toed One may not have portrayed us entirely sympathetically. Our article is on page twenty something and on the way to page twenty something I pass at least 5 articles on the joys of having children. Fuckity fuck. Surely it won’t be as bad as I think?

Wrong. It is. Not only has the bitch twisted round what I’ve said to make it sound worse than it was, she’s made up some stuff that I didn’t even say at all. If I’d known she was going to take an axe to me, I’d have told her my name was Kevin, not used my actual title. Or, more likely, I’d have told her to shove her article right up her skinny, deceitful arse sideways.

Here is what I wrote:

To breed or not to breed? That is the question….

Kids, sprogs, rugrats, kinder, les enfants, whatever you want to call them, there’s no doubting that children are a contentious issue these days and one of the thorniest subjects for a woman is whether or not you’re going to have them at all. Personally, I know plenty of grossly unsuitable couples who have announced that they are now trying to start a family and while behind their back friends and family are coming up with helpful comments along the lines of “Well, I don’t know why they’re bothering, 90% of the time they’d be happy to see each other suspended over a pit of sharks on the end of a fraying rope and besides, he’s got the functional IQ of a dining room table so they’ll be lucky if they produce kids that can tie their own shoelaces at 15”, what’s ALWAYS said to their face is “Oooh that’s lovely”. The rules of etiquette demand it be so, woman is doing womanly things and so should be praised, regardless of whether an adoption panel considering their suitability as parents wouldn’t get to the end of the first page before filing it under “They must be having a laugh”. When it comes to those of us who have decided we’d rather not tread the path of child-rearing however, the gloves come off and politeness is flung to the wind. In the same way that pregnant women have to endure strangers accosting their bump, women who choose to be child-free are subjected to a barrage of questions and assumptions about their lives and decisions, some of which can be more than a little offensive. A few of those that I have encountered include:

Why on earth wouldn’t you want to have children? -Well I could ask why would YOU want to? I think babies are quite sweet (until they start shrieking anyway) but with a couple of notable exceptions, I’m just not keen on children. I’m not a fan of cats so I’ll not be acquiring one, it works the same for offspring. I like sleep and don’t like vomit, faeces, having no disposable income, children’s parties full of shrieking banshees out of their minds on E numbers and sugar, having my vodka stolen out of the drinks cupboard, being used as an unpaid taxi service, having to spend a fortune on school uniform, nights in the casualty department, having to get new door keys cut every month because some fool has left them on the bus and drunken teens turning up at 3am. My brother and I inflicted all of the above on my parents, there’s no earthly reason to suspect that a child of mine wouldn’t do the same.

You don’t know what you’re missing, there’s nothing like having children – No, I don’t know what I’m missing, therefore I’m not missing it am I? I’ve a sneaking suspicion that there’s nothing like driving a Maserati and if I did so for a year or two I’d be reluctant to go back to my Peugeot but since I haven’t actually driven a Maserati, I don’t miss it. And unlike a posh car, if I have a child and then decide I hate the experience, I can’t hand it back to a man in a shiny suit and tell him I don’t want it any more.  For some people, I’m never entirely sure whether what they mean is “YOU’LL be missing out” or if the real problem is the fear that “I’LL be missing out”. While I’ve no wish to cause anyone disappointment, I don’t believe that a desire for approval is a good enough reason to breed. I can get all the nice bits of being around children by making a fuss of other people’s and it comes with the added benefit of not having to change nappies, clean vomit off my walls or pick sandwiches out of the DVD player.

It’s selfish not to have children. How will we manage if people don’t produce the next generation – Technically, since the planet is grossly over populated, it’s more selfish to HAVE kids than not have them but I’m clearly more polite than you because I didn’t say it. Besides, if the average family has about two kids then I’m fine, because my cousin has had 4, I’ve donated my allowance to him. And why don’t you say what you really mean? What you really want to say but can’t because it’s not PC is that the UK requires more middle class, full time role models like me to have kids because the chances are they’ll work full time as adults and pay into the pot for yours and my pensions. If you’re going to have a crack, at least be honest.

Why did you bother getting married if you don’t want to have children? – I remember the bit about richer and poorer, I recall the sentence about love and respect, I definitely have a memory of some Shakespeare being read by my sister in law and a poem by my brother but I must have been fiddling with my veil when the minister read the bit about “And thou shall definitely pop out some sprogs because it’s what society expects you to do and thou shalt be a horn-toed non-woman for all time if thou decidest thou doesn’t like the idea much” because I completely missed it. Would they ask why I bothered to get married if I were clinically sterile? Doubtful. It’s allowed to be married and childless if there’s a medical reason it seems, it’s just if you CHOOSE not to have them that you become something to be regarded with suspicion, defying nature and the role it designed for you.

You’ll never be truly fulfilled if you don’t have a child – I can live with that. In my childhood dreams I lived in Appleby Castle and looked after animals all day. I don’t and I’m not, I’ve not fulfilled my dream, yet somehow life stumbles on….

This list isn’t exhaustive, there are a hundred other questions and comments we child-free women have heard. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but respect for those women who have kids, it’s a full time job, hard work and I’m sure it has its ups and its downs but it isn’t for all of us and just because nature endowed me with the equipment to be able to do it, doesn’t mean I want to, should, or would make a good job of it. So I’ll bow out thanks, I’m happy to buy your children presents, to hug them, play with them, share their good times and bad times and commiserate with you when they get their hearts broken for the first time. I’ll give them money if they go to uni and cheer when they graduate. I’ll throw confetti at their weddings and then do it all over again when they have their own kids. I just don’t want to do it all myself .

So to breed or not to breed? These days it is not a given, we can make the decision and the choice, ladies, is yours…

What Twatferret wrote from that will have to wait 4 days because according to the contract I signed, I can’t reveal it it or release any part of it for four days after the first publication date but suffice it to say that she has made me out to be a self-obsessed airhead whose main aim in life is to blow as much cash as I can on pointless consumer goods and enjoying myself. Kind of like a poor man’s Paris Hilton if you like.

Best Friend originally wrote this:

I do not want to have children. I’m not especially career orientated, and as far as I’m aware I’m perfectly capable of having a baby. I just don’t want to be a mother.

You would not believe the number of people who judge me for this. Many people make all sorts of lifestyle choices for many different reasons, but very few come under such scrutiny or in for so much censure as a 30-something happily married woman who makes the decision not to have children.

It never ceases to amaze me that others believe that it’s any of their business when it comes to the decision to procreate, or not in my case. Friends of mine who are pregnant or have children have told me of the perfect strangers who come and touch their swollen bumps, this complete invasion of personal space that they somehow believe is acceptable because there’s a baby in there. Incredibly stitches and fourth degree tears, and the colour and consistency of infant faeces all become suitable topics of conversation in polite company.

All of a sudden everything becomes fair game when it comes to discussing having kids. How do these people not know that I’m trying like bloody hell to get pregnant and it’s just not happening? How do they know I’ve not suffered multiple miscarriages, or that there’s something wrong with one of us that means we can’t have a much longed for baby?

My reply that I don’t plan to have children is usually met with one of three responses:

1. “How can you be so selfish?”

First off, I don’t see how deciding not to have children can be considered selfish. I like my life the way it is and I should be free to live it the way I see fit. I’m not doing anything illegal and I’m not hurting anyone, so who the hell are they to judge me because I don’t want the same things as they do? I don’t judge them for having a family. My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers so it was a while before it came up in conversation, but long before we got married I told him I didn’t think I ever wanted children and he was fine with that. Although like many men, if I did change my mind then he’d go along with that too. Anything for a quiet life..

2. “Who will look after you in your old age?”

Well if ever there was a selfish reason for having kids then this has got to be it. Who has a baby so when they’re old and infirm they’ve got someone to come and feed them and take care of them? Why would you want to burden your own child like that? Ridiculous.

3. “Why did you get married if you don’t want kids?”

My particular favourite. What about people who can’t have children, should they not get married either since they’re not bringing a baby into their union? My stock answer for this question is because I wanted to wear a big white frock, get boatloads of presents and be centre of attention all day. Really? No, I married him because I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, you imbecile. Another friend (who has two under two years old) says I should tell them it was to get the passport. I might use that one next time.

Truth of the matter is I don’t really like children. I never really know what to say to them and I find them boring and self obsessed. They say it would be different when it’s my own but I don’t see how. I love babies, I could play with babies all day and am thrilled for any of my friends who announce they’re pregnant, because it’s what they want to do with their lives. I could spend ages in Baby Gap cooing over tiny socks and hats and have already promised the entire works of Roald Dahl to my friend’s little boy when he’s old enough. I’m fortunate that the friends I have who have children don’t judge me for it, they know how much hard work it takes and they don’t make any attempt to impose their lifestyle choices on me. I’m also lucky to have a broad mix of people I call friends, and my two closest female friends both agree with me – it’s just not what we want for our lives.

I don’t get too much pressure from my parents. I’ve already informed them that they’ll have to speak to my sisters when it comes to grandchildren. I know my mother would be delighted but it’s not a reason to have a baby. My Grandad used to tell me he hadn’t got long left, that he wanted to see his great-grandchildren before he shuffled off his mortal coil and that I was to get a bloody move on, but he’s still going strong at 90 (well preserved with whiskey God love him) and even he’s given up. The scrutiny comes from friends of parents, or people I work with, people who don’t know me that well, people who it doesn’t concern one way or the other. If I had a fiver every time someone asked me when I was going to have a baby I’d be able to buy a pair of Louboutins every month.

I like being able to make choices based on what we want to do, and not have to consider when we do it. We have date nights where we go out for dinner and drinks, we don’t have to plan babysitters or cancel long held arrangements because someone got chicken pox. We’re free to go on holiday whenever we please, roll in drunk whatever time we like and not be concerned with getting up early with a baby or taking someone to football practice / ballet recitals / Mandarin lessons. We get up, we go to work, we come home, we’re more than happy in each other’s company.

I’m impatient and intolerant, I can’t keep so much as a houseplant alive for more than a couple of months so what on earth makes anyone think I’d be any good at raising a child? I don’t want to be one of those stressed out harridans shouting at their brood in a supermarket. I’m the eldest of three girls and my parents divorced when I was 11, I’ve seen first hand how hard it was for my mum to raise us on her own, I don’t think I could do it and I genuinely admire those who can. But I don’t envy them. I’m happy in my marriage and don’t think for a second that my husband and I are going to split up, but who knows how we’d change if we had kids?

Another thing I object to is when I’m applying for jobs. They’ll see my age and marital status on my application, assume I’m going to disappear on maternity leave for a year then only want to come back two days a week and off it goes to the bottom of the pile. I’m going to start putting it on my CV soon.

Saying all this, I’ve never been pregnant, and I don’t know how I would feel if it happened by accident. Believe me, this is the only way it’s going to happen. I had a minor scare about four months before my wedding and I spent that couple of days in a state of abject horror at the prospect, but of course this could have had something to do with wanting to still be able to fit in my wedding dress. I couldn’t breathe all day as it was, I didn’t need to be trying to wedge a baby bump in there too.

The single most terrifying thought for me is that I get pregnant by accident, decide to keep the baby, then when it’s too late realise I was right all along and it’s not what I want. Or what about those women who got to the loo and out pops a kid? You can’t do anything about that then can you? I can’t send it back or cram it to the back of the wardrobe like an ill advised pair of jeans, once you’ve got a child then that’s it. This is a decision for life and you need to be absolutely certain it’s what you want because there’s no going back. I’m willing to bet there are more women out there than you’d think who’ve got kids who, with the benefit of hindsight, would choose a different path if they could.

I’m 32 now and I’m still waiting for my biological clock to kick in. Maybe the batteries are dead, I don’t know. All I DO know is that I don’t have any maternal urges whatsoever at the moment. Perhaps in a few more years when I start pushing 40 I’ll change my mind, and by then it could be too late. But I’m prepared to accept the consequences of the decision I’ve made now.

You want to see what they did with what Best Friend wrote, they trashed her even worse than they did me. If Twatferret is to be believed, Best Friend is the type of person who is likely to be found lurking at the back of Mothercare armed with a grenade, a can of diesel and a large box of matches.

The ironic thing is that Best Friend and I don’t require the help of the witch that is Alice and her vile trash-writing friends to make arses of ourselves, we can do it perfectly well ourselves although I will give her the fact that she’s manged to up the scale somewhat. Usually Best Friend and I only manage to make twats of ourselves in front of a few family and friends, sometimes work colleagues but this week, with the help of Alice The Horn-Toed one we will this week be looknig like nutters in front of a quarter of a million menopausal child lovers, who now regard us as some horrifying genetic freaks who are dead inside and who should be put in the Scold’s Bridle to stop us from polluting the minds of ordinary woman. And even by our own impressive standards, that’s quite special.


46 Responses

  1. Absolutely right that having children isn’t for everyone. In fact. over half the people who now have children would have been better off it they hadn’t, for a myriad of reasons. People who have kids nad divorce, look how that messes up the kids. People who get married, hate each other, look how that messes up the kids. People who are single and have kids, look at how society messes up the kids. Someone is going to mess up your kids. Only way for that to not happen is for you to not have kids or mess them up yourself so badly that no one else’s attempts will hold a candle to yours. Just ask my kids. LOL

    • Exactly, Mr V’s parent’s divorce did a fine job of messing him up. I just don’t think we’re suited to parenthood, not for now anyway. Unfortunately the readers of this mag evidently aren’t the type to accept that normal women might not want to breed and so we have to be painted as mentally deficient harpies or butt ugly jealous cows in order for their tiny little brains to be able to process the idea.

  2. I am so sorry. How horrible to not only be misquoted but to be vilified as well. They definitely had an agenda. How, do you think, did they get your names for the article? Hmmm. Darn, I am so sorry for you and I hope this will not have negative ramifications in your life, if people read the magazine.

    • They got our names from Facebook, because we joined a group called ‘Not Childless, child free and loving it’. It was only a bit of a laugh because the title made me giggle. As my mum said, once she’d finished shouting at me for being stupid, ‘at least all of our friends are too intelligent to read this crap magazine so the chances are no one will come across it’. Which was a fair point. The only ramifications I’ve had so far are my brother ringing up laughing so hard he couldn’t speak and eventually managing to squeak out ‘I haven’t done anything this stupid for years’. Yes, quite. Thanks for the words of consolation M.

  3. I am really horrified they took these two articles and made them into something bad. As it is, I read both and was saying “YES!” to SO many points! I know we have chatted about the no kids thing before, I am 37 and always knew I was not going to be a mom. Thankfully I met Mr. L and he never wanted to be a Dad, so it all worked out. I seriously could have stacks of money for all the times people told me I was missing out, it is different when they are yours, etc. I just wished I did not have to justify my choice, when the choice to have children is never even questioned. You two pretty much covered everything. When you post the “re-writes”, it is going to piss me off huh?

    • Probably, because the main aim of the article seems to be to discredit women who have chosen not to have kids as dim, lunatic or unable to get a man. The third girl comes out as reasoonably intelligent, unfortunately they have posted photos of her looking like a rhino in a t-shirt and stating that a) she doesn’t have a man and b) members of the child free group who come up against opposition refer to these women as ‘breeders’. Actually scrap that, all three of us come out badly. It’s a complete hatchet job.

      • there is nothing DIM about our decision, some folks actually think about having kids, but there is a giant sized group that just goes along with the tradition “get married, have kids” and never question it at all. We gave it deep thought and decided “nope, not for us” sigh… it is such an individual decision, and we get SO much crap for choosing not to have kids. My grandmother cried when I told her we were not going to do it. We have been together for nearly 17 years and the question of us having kids has died down quite a bit (thank goodness). I fear that articles like this might make a women feel obligated to have children when she has not thought about it, or she has and feels the society pressure. I need more coffee.. I am not sure if anything here makes any sense.

      • Making perfect sense, don’t worry! And you’re right,we do take some stick for it which to my mind is grossly unfair. We wouldn’t get this grief if we were sterile.

  4. I’ll be back in 4 days … 🙂

  5. Congratulations for the thought you have given to planning your lives, and the effort you took in writing the articles.

    I am sorry that you have been misrepresented and betrayed.

    I will also be back in 4 days.

    • Don’t expect great things, her writing style is not only crap, it’s also not interesting. Which I guess is why she’s spending her time misrepresenting women in menopausal rag mags instead of writing headlines in the Times.

  6. See? Facebook causes all kinds of problems!

  7. It annoys me no end to see kids get praise in the media for falling pregnant at a very young age with not a thought given to the responsibilities, while an intelligent decision opens folk up for a moral crusade decided on by people who have no detectable moral values.

    Last year we had a young girl aged somewhere around 14 who had a kid who proudly proclaimed “”All I have evr wanted to do is have babies.” I think I may have uttered a swear word at that very moment.

    I suspect we will discover your original item and that of Best Friend are a higher quality than the edited version we get to read in a few days time.

    Does the UK have an equivalent to Australia’s Media Watch?

    They take great delight in exposing fraud by media and that is exactly what this is.

    • I think we do have something like this, yes. A few of the points in the article are correct but most of them are either twisted round or just plain made up. And while it’s embarrassing to be made out to be a gormless bimbo, it’s even more humiliating to have readers of a national publication thinking that that shit is my writing style….

  8. As another child-free-by-choice woman, I applaud your well-thought-out essays. I can’t wait to hear what Twatferret wrote in four days.

    • You know what really grips my shit? The writing style is crap. I’m embarrassed that they’ve made me out to be something I’m not but I’m mortified that they’d publish that crap as though I wrote it when there’s no way something that dull and prosaic would ever make it past draft stage on here.

    • What kimkiminy said. This is the best blog post I’ve read in a long time, and both articles are very well written. I look forward to the update.

  9. […] reading Vicola’s aggravation with the British media, here, I thought I should promote one of Media Watch’s recent […]

  10. Oh dear, I’m almost too scared to see what sort of an edit job was done on those.
    I think your original article here is witty, succinct and makes perfect sense…. As your writing always is! I’m guessing the edited version loses much of that!
    As you know I have children, but I certainly don’t think it’s for everyone and I can definitely see the advantages of a child-free life, especially as I’m totally with you on over-population! That is one of the main reasons we’ve stopped at 2! I also most definitely would NEVER question someone elses decision not to have children! I have a fair few friends who feel the same as you.

    I think you and your friend express yourselves very well, I’m sorry some bint saw fit

    • They really did make us out to be something we’re not. In my case an airheaded spending junkie and in hers a psycho baby-hater. Neither of which apply. There were a few bits in each piece that were taken from what we said but most of it was twisted around or just plain made up. I notice she hasn’t had the balls to ring us and ask for our thoughts on the article. Nor, if she doesn’t want an absolute phone-slaying, will she.

  11. Misrepresenting your character is one thing, but I think I would certainly be more irritated by the fact she’s butchered your nicely crafted piece and made you out to have the writing skills of an illiterate tabloid columnist. That’s much worse than being a baby-killing bling monster.

  12. I wonder if she’s done enough for it to be called slander?

    I also think there is a lesson in here about deciding who to speak to and how they’re likely to use the information – although clearly she went about collecting data unethically and didn’t offer informed consent up front. Did you know which magazine she was writing for and have an idea of what/how they publish?

    I’m really sorry, although I do like your brother’s reaction 🙂

    • My brother was laughing so hard he couldn’t even talk. Helpful soul that he is. He was in Tesco picking up some things, including a copy of the magazine to take home so that his wife could have a hoot at my expense too. Sigh. At least I know I have brought amusement to my family through my stupidity. You’re quite right, it is a lesson in being mroe careful who I talk to and what their motives may be. I did know what publication it was going to be but didn’t think to look at it (never read it myself) because I assumed it would be going in as a neutral article and we’d get a chance to proof read it before publication. Error. It wasn’t and we didn’t. In future, if I ever decide to do anything like this again I will require it written into the contract that I get to read and edit it before it hits the press. You live and learn…

  13. At the very least you should write a ‘without prejudice’ letter to the stupid cow’s editor saying you are considering your legal options. Got to be worth the price of a stamp.

  14. Name and shame V. Twatferret’s full name, the publication name and the full name and address of the publisher. And as soon as you’ve provided these bits of info, let’s mount a blog/twitterfest to bring the subversion of your copy to the biggest possible audience.

    • I’m just waiting for the 4 day clause to be up and for the sodding cheque to arrive then I’ll let everyone know who she is and who she works for. The witch.

      • Saying this in the nicest possible way, but do you think they’re going to take your complaint seriously if you accept payment?

      • You do make a good point Oink. We have 28 days until we get paid so I’ve got time to get a complaint in, see what happens and review whether I accept their cheque or not. The one thing that makes me think I should (other than being skint in the run up to christmas, obviously) is that whether I get paid or not, the damage is done and if I don’t, then I’ve got absolutely nothing in return for being painted as a twat. And let’s be honest, they won’t take my complaint seriously either way, they are a crappy little mag owned by a large corporation called Bauer that runs a whole raft of crappy mags and indeed some not as crappy ones like Grazia. They don’t give a tiny rat’s arse if I’m hacked off and feel hard done by.

  15. Oh I know they don’t care. But the fact is they used your real name… they attributed things to you personally that aren’t true. or that are distortions of the truth. Hence I wonder if you could due for “damages”. Good luck with your complaint. I still think it might be worth finding out if you’re entitled to legal aid and getting a solicitor to write and put the shits up them. 🙂

  16. Oh deary me, what an absolute terrible situation to be in.

    Still, it could be worse….

    Like, for instance, being called by Trisha’s researchers, who tell you about an amaing programme they are doing on lookalikes, how cool lookalikes are and how good and convincing you are. Then agree to do it, for free, as “it’ll be amazing publicity” and “we’ll send a car”. You also agree to take along your spouse who will “offer her (or his) perspective on being married to a lookalike”.
    You could then arrive, be split up, spend all morning in “make-up” being told to “big up how much fun you have, that it’s great being a lookalike as women throw themselves at you etc. etc.”.
    Then when filming starts as you stand behind the set they could, just for illustrative purposes you understand, assemble 6 scantily clad “mod-ells” in gold bikinis to hang themselves off your arm “for effect”.
    The production team might then run the intro music and the announcer might then say “Welcome too Trisha, todays show; Horrid Husbands and Worried Wives”….

    And then they may grill your wife on the ins/outs of marriage to a lookalike with such erudite and skillful questions as “Does he wear the outfit when making love?” and “Does he act like Ali G, spekaing like him all the time?”.

    Then have that broadcast to the nations mouth breathers.

    Still we got to meet Roger DeCoursey and Nooky Bear so, you know, silver linings and all that…

    • Really? That really happened? I bow to your superior misfortune, that’s really bad, although I have to confess, slightly amusing. Is that on YouTube anywhere? At least the reading figures for Bella are only about quarter of a million so I only look like a twat in front of that many people. Plus of course the friends and family who have now picked up on it and bought a copy so that they know exactly WHY they’re laughing at me. ‘Horrid Husbands and worried wives’, nice. On the positive side, the idiots that watch Trisha aren’t going to recognise you without a gold tracksuit and trainers so most of the time you should be pretty safe. I however appeared in photo clearly recognisable as myself, looking pissed. Sigh. We should start a support group, “People who in their charming naivety got hopelessly shafted by the media”. I meant to bring the mag in today to type it up but completely forgot so I’ll get the actual articles up tonight or tomorrow. Along with the lovely Alice’s reply to my email of complaint.

      • Just got this response – yeah A Support Group, something like Media Whores Anonymous?

      • Tragically I was not so anonymous. What with being there under my maiden name with a photo of me looking shitfaced. Media Whores Anonymous is indeed a fine idea for a group. We could have meetings in pubs where we discuss how we told a researcher we once had a family argument round the dinner table and then it was published as “I slept with my sister’s fiance and murdered my entire extended family”. Come to think of it, I should write up some of the topics that the misery-mongers from Medavia are currently looking for. It’s hilarious in a sort of socially disturbing manner….

  17. P.S. 4 days later… Where’s the story!!!???

  18. You have the best insults. Lol. You may or may not know that Steven and I are blissfully child-free as well (in our late 30’s – you know I’m 37 – he turns 38 in two weeks) – and when I use the word “blissfully” in this context, I do not use it lightly. Because of this, people want to TAKE US DOWN. And, they feel they can say anything that comes out of their mouth (including someone related to me, who I call “M__”, who likes to remind me as often as she can that when I was seven years old, I wanted to adopt the United Nations of children. Because me at seven and me at 37 clearly have the same priorities in life). Unfortunately, now that it has become obvious that I’d rather fall off a cliff into pile of pricklies than have a child, this has been interpreted as “you obviously want to adopt”. Because I have “too much time on my hands”, I must somehow use it up. YEAH.

    Yeah, I get it. I was adopted. And, I’d like to “pay it forward”. But, I’ll find another way.

    Anyway, no doubt you and your BFF have heard the lot, so I won’t regurgitate. I’m just glad there are more of us out there than I know!

  19. Ok, now that I’ve read both I’m appalled. I cannot believe that she got what she did out of the pieces the two of you wrote. These are very reasonable and amusing, and Alice makes you sound selfish, arrogant, and the kind of people I would not hang out with. I’m pretty sure you’re not that.

    My two pence is this. There is enough pain and frustration and struggle and hard decisions around the whole issue of ‘To child or not to child’ that we shouldn’t make it hard on others by inserting our ideas of what people ought or oughtn’t to be doing. I want kids and kind of morn the fact that I will probably never have one, but that doesn’t stop me from blessing you and the clearly well thought out choices you have made. It’s not selfish, it’s reasonable. Well done you for even giving it serious thought.

    As for Alice, someone should shove her Quick Quotes Quill where the sun don’t shine.
    (sorry for the obtuse Harry Potter reference. Guess what I’ve been re-reading lately?)

  20. kind of connected with this and a previous blog post you did http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1325602/Joan-Furey-files-divorce-year-marriage-8-months-pregnant.html
    sorry to hear you have been treated so badly – I used to work as a journalist and I don’t think I could survive in the current environment – I am too ethical – the least thing she could have done is checked back a rewrite with you

    • I’m glad for her. Did you see the programme? She seemed so sad and so scared on her wedding day, she was crying as danced with her dad and clinging on to him. I really felt sorry for her. I’m pleased she’s out of it and this time is planning to think a bit more carefully about things.

      Journalism seems to be all about getting the most sensational story now, regardless of whether it’s true or not, especially in tabloid publications.

  21. also it may not be Alice’s fault – may be her boss is responsible

    • True, but even if she didnt’ write it herself she could ahve let us see a copy before it went to press. And we haven’t even been paid yet.

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