A little update from me.

In case anyone out there is still reading after my prolonged absence, I thought I’d update with ‘things that are annoying me this month.

SPIDERS

What the hell is going on with the spiders in this country this year? Really? Has someone in the Manchester area released some variety of chemical that has caused the spiders to swell to gargantuan proportions and become even more malevolent than usual? We’ve had some utter bastards this month. The one that abseiled down the curtains last week was nearly as big as my friend’s kitten and there was one crossing the piano last night who I swear was making actual footstep noises as it went. And why did I have to end up with the only dog in the nation that is as scared of spiders as I am. Other people’s dogs eat them, mine retreats, barking and glaring into a corner and when one ran at him he turned tail and legged it. Big brave guard dog my arse.

BANKS

We all know banks are utter bastards, that’s not really news, but really, their system for alerting people to overspend on their accounts needs work. Yesterday I got one of their snooty letters informing me that I was £100 over my overdraft limit and so would be charged interest blah blah blah and a £22 admin fee. Fucking brilliant, I’m clearly skint and so what would be the best way to address this? Absolutely it would be to charge me £22 for someone to print out a standard letter and whack it through the second class category on the franking machine. Total cost of ‘administering’ my overspend to the bank £1, total profit for the bank, £21. Job’s a fucking good ‘en you robbing arseholes. And while we’re about it, since you’ve spent considerable time and energy making it as difficult as possible for me to access my personal information, meaning I now need 3 passwords, my card, a card reader and a decent internet connection to see if I’m anywhere near the overdraft limit, would it have been entirely beyond you to text or email or write to me BEFORE I went over my allowed amout, saving me £22 and whatever hideous and as yet undisclosed amount you’ve decided to charge me in interest on my ‘reserve account’? God forbid you actually worked as though you were a service industry instead of behaving as though you do us all a massive favour by taking our money, storing it and then investing in the dodgy and ridiculous deals that have caused the worldwide recession. It’s not really that surprising everyone thinks you’re twats is it?

WORK

This is pretty much an ongoing irritation, with new little branches cropping up from time to time but this week’s include:

The client – no, grabbing me and kissing me when you come into the office is not acceptable. I don’t like and I would recommend you don’t do it again. If you’re not going to do it to the hairy-arsed grafting blokes who work round this place then don’t do it to me just because I’m female and under 40. And do be aware that if that hand strays, you will lose it. Remember that.

Mr Useless – How hard is it to fill in some forms? Really? I’ll tell you how hard is ISN’T, it isn’t 7 calls to me in one afternoon hard. If you’re too stupid to work out what to put in the ’employer name’ box and how to tick the ‘plant’ box then I’m sorry, I can’t help you because you’re too stupid to live. I suggest you ask the office manager to order you a box of crayons and you can spend the rest of the afternoon drawing pictures of ‘In the Night Garden’ on the walls, leaving me to get on with some work.

And I have a cold.

So those are my irritations for this week. How’s your week going?

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10 Responses

  1. I have missed your rants. Nice to see you again, Vicola 🙂

  2. Bwahahaha. Spiders, Banks and Work… You can keep them all. LOL

  3. I am in the mood for some solid ranting – thank you!

  4. work… tell him all the wrong things then deny you ever did. will teach him to ask u for advice.

  5. I did a bit of work for my old boss last week – out in the country, so stayed over to do a couple of day’s work and make the railfare worthwhile. A spider the size of a small dog strolled over my foot while I was cleaning my teeth in the guest bathroom ….. Once I’d peeled myself off the ceiling, I managed to trip it under a tiny pedal bin. It wasn’t squished as there was a rim around the base. And you’ve just reminded me that I left it there. I’m betting the housekeeper had a nasty shock the next day … Oops.

    • Imagine picking up the bin and facing the monstrously angry arachnid below. It’s probably grown in that time as well, it’ll be the size of your average cat by now.

  6. The banks are fucking bastards. They tell all the newspapers they are lending to small businesses, and it is DAMN LIES! (I feel strongly about this)

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