Numbers and Resolutions

Well, first day back at work after the Christmas break and already it feels like I’ve been back for years. 5 and a half hours I’ve been here and I can already provide a list of people I’d like to deliver a hefty slap to. Smashing. So, let’s put the client statistics that need doing by close of play on one side for tomorrow, and have a look at the year in numbers and the year ahead shall we?

2011 in numbers

1 –  Number of fathers lost. Obviously it was unlikely to be more than 1, given I was only graced with 1 in the first place but if you only have one and you lose one. that leaves you with none. Which is properly shit.

1 – Number of nieces gained. My niece is marvellous, she is without a doubt the smiliest most charming and sunniest girl child on the planet. She’s also very sweet natured. She didn’t get that from our side, I can only assume she inherited that from her mother’s side. The ‘knowing her own mind’ bit could well have come from us…

3 – Number of weddings attended, all of which were within a 4 week period while my dad was ill. Fun in some ways, not in others. On the plus side, I have now had value for money from the very expensive black dress I got for my 30th, which put in an appearance at all of said weddings. Along with my Scottie dog shoes, which still make me smile every time I look at them, even though wearing them is less comfortable than wearing rocks on your feet.

1 – Number of jobs retained, even though it’s a recession and I’m a bad tempered bitch who shouts at people.

1 – Number of pay rises gained in said job, after 18 months of fighting. That said, the new pay rate doesn’t kick in till 1st January 2012 so perhaps it doesn’t count.

2 – number of employers who have been my boss in said job during 2011. The company got bought out. By someone who acknowledges that employment law is a must, not a suggestion.

Undetermined – Number of rows with my mother since my dad died. Clearly redefining relationships in light of new situations is going to be rather more challenging than I first suspected. When my dad was dying he said that he was worried the relationship between me and mum might be difficult once he was gone. I thought he was wrong, we told him he wrong, he didn’t look convinced. Clearly he had more insight than I gave him credit for. On the plus side,  things seem to be easing a bit now.

5 – Number of close friends who got me through this year, without them I’d now be sat in an institution, under a table, rocking gently backwards and forwards and wearing a nice whitejacket that fastens at the back. They offered practical advice, experience, a shoulder to cry on and vodka. Some of them read this, some of them don’t but for those that do, you know who you are and thank you.

1- Number of gardens redone. No longer a rectangle of turd strewn lawn with concrete edges, now we have flower beds and a path and a patio. And once I’ve trained the dog to shit on the Astroturf not my damn flowerbed it’ll be nice. Oh and when I’ve put plants in as well, forgot that bit, haven’t quite got round to plants yet.

Too few – number of posts put up here. I lost my angry for a while this year and since most of my writing is done while angry or frustrated, this left me with writers block. If anyone is still out there and reading this, thanks for sticking with me! And GOM, thanks for checking to see if I’d been taken prisoner…

So, now we’ve done last year, what are Vicola’s resolutions for the new year?

  • Write more.  My angry is beginning to return, I’ve started swearing at other road users and bellowing at people in Yarises who drive down the road at 20mph. The other day I even called the people next door a collection of partially trained apes for their banging and crashing which had been going on all bastard day. If the angry is coming back, hopefully the writing will too…
  • Eat less shit and stop trying to implode my liver. Yes people, the annual ‘healthy eating and drinking’ kick is on again. Let’s see if this year I can beat my personal best of ‘the third week in January’.
  • Get fit. Doesn’t look fun. I hate jogging, I hate strenuous exercise of any variety, it’s sweaty, uncomfortable and it hurts but I’m 32. Walking the dog will no longer be enough, if I don’t get off my arse and get moving soon I’m going to end up with a beam end like a Routemaster bus and my very own ‘food baby’ belly. Not good. A certain amount of winter insulation is advisable but I watched a tv programme the other day about a 74 stone woman on trial for murder and it scared the bejesus out of me. The 74 stone bit, not the murder bit.
  • Don’t get fired. Despite the new owners of the company announcing at the time that there would be no redundancies, the entire crew of accounts girls were put on redundancy notice this morning. If I can keep my head down and my trap shut, I will hopefully pass under the radar of the redundancy-bots and will manage to retain gainful employment for a further 12 months.
  • Be nicer to people. I don’t expect this one to last. I’ve only been back at work for a day, give it till the end of the week and I’m sure I’ll be having homicidal thoughts again.

So, that’s my year in summary, I hope yours was good and that your Christmas and new year were filled with food, friends and enough booze to fell a reasonable sized elephant. Happy new year to you all and here’s to 2012 being much less shite than 2011. Raise your glass and bottoms up….even if it is the middle of the afternoon.


7 Responses

  1. I hope this is a good year for you and that things get easier with your mum xx

  2. Excellent summary Vic – and I too hope that things improve with your Ma.

    ‘Being nicer to people’ automatically excludes all the work people that give you grief, by the way. Dat’s de law. x

  3. I think the #1 above gives you a “pass” on any negativity for 2011. At least that’s the excuse I used when my mother died.

  4. Good to have you back, Vicola. I look forward to many more angry posts.

  5. Here’s another couple of numbers for you:

    1 – Number of friends on the verge of nastiness, comforted and listened to in car parks.

    1 – Number of devoted friends gained, as a result.

  6. Looking forward to reading more from you this year!

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