Dog piss – the conclusion

For all those who have sent concerned emails or messages, you do not need to fear – I did not put a condom on the dog. Quite apart from the fact that this would be a seriously pervy thing to do, which if spotted by my neighbours could lead to me coming home to find badly spelled messages about sexual deviancy painted on my front, it’s probably illegal. And if it isn’t, it seriously should be. Nope, I persevered with trying to catch the piss and now the dog is so traumatised that if I even go into the garden at the same time as him he either sits down or slinks round my legs giving me the ‘please don’t beat me’ face. A face he has perfected entirely, despite the fact that the chuffing creature has never been beaten in the entire we’ve had him. That dog deserves a bloody Oscar. The £90 blood test revealed that there’s absolutely fuck all wrong with the dog’s blood, money well spent there, and so they now REALLY want the piss. Net result – I’ve got to spend some more money I can’t really afford on having the stupid beast catheterised to get wee out of him. Let this be a lesson to the dog and to all – sometimes if you win the battle, all it means is you face a kicking from a bigger army later on. Life sucks that way.

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4 Responses

  1. Shame, I was rather looking forward to that piccie. Think positively though, Vicola. The money you spend on the dog’s medical problems would probably be otherwise wasted on grog. And you never know, your vet just might offer to take you on his next Mediterranean cruise that you’re paying for. There, I knew that would cheer you up…

  2. You know, stringing the words ‘piss’, ‘dog’, and ‘condom’ in to the same piece can lead to a serious amount of tea-splatterage. I should have known what to expect, obv. But it still came as a surprise. Good luck getting the catheter in… Oh, that won’t be you? 🙂

  3. Whew! Glad you don’t have messages about sexual deviancy painted on your front!

  4. I’m dying to know what kind of google search terms bring people to this post 🙂

    Poor puppy dog. I imagine it’s turning into quite a confusing time for him!

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