Stupid things researchers say.

Now don’t me wrong, sometimes researchers come up with some very valid information and make important observations that can enhamce people’s lives, such as whoever worked out that Apple is worth more than Poland, but sometimes they just spout unadulterated crap. Today, on the BBC news website I found an article about the huge dangers of eating red meat.

A diet high in red meat can shorten life expectancy, according to researchers at Harvard Medical School.The study of more than 120,000 people suggested red meat increased the risk of death from cancer and heart problems.Substituting red meat with fish, chicken or nuts lowered the risks, the authors said.The British Heart Foundation said red meat could still be eaten as part of a balanced diet.The researchers analysed data from 37,698 men between 1986 and 2008 and 83,644 women between 1980 and 2008.Dr Rosemary Leonard says the risks associated with eating a lot of red meat are “very clear”

They said adding an extra portion of unprocessed red meat to someone’s daily diet would increase the risk of death by 13%,

Victoria Taylor, a dietitian at the British Heart Foundation, said “If you eat processed meats like bacon, ham, sausages or burgers several times a week, add variation to your diet by substituting these for other protein sources such as fish, poultry, beans or lentils.”

Ok, let’s look at things one bit at a time.

A diet high in red meat can shorten life expectancy, according to researchers at Harvard Medical School.The study of more than 120,000 people suggested red meat increased the risk of death from cancer and heart problems – So not ‘will’ and ‘definitely proved’ then. I might win the Euromillions but I’ll not be sending a scanned picture of my arse to the managing director on the strength of it. So I’ll not be ditching the bacon on the strength of possibly.

They said adding an extra portion of unprocessed red meat to someone’s daily diet would increase the risk of death by 13%, – I’ve not done any study of biology in recent times but I’m pretty much certain that I was taught the risk of death for humans was 100%, whether they lived solely off bacon and sausage sandwiches or macrobiotic mung bean casserole. I didn’t think I would have to point out to Harvard Medical School that eating red meat cannot possibly increase the risk of death by 13%.

Victoria Taylor, a dietitian at the British Heart Foundation, said “If you eat processed meats like bacon, ham, sausages or burgers several times a week, add variation to your diet by substituting these for other protein sources such as fish, poultry, beans or lentils.” – I hate to burst Victoria’s bubble but generally they aren’t eating bacon, ham, sausages or burgers because they are a source of protein, they’re eating them because they taste nice. Or because they’re hung over. A lentil and bean sandwich is going to do fuck all to improve your day should you have consumed your own bodyweight in Russian paintstripper the night before but a big, dirty bacon and sausage butty will sort you right out. Besides, if you’re eating bacon, ham, sausages and/or burgers several times a week, you’re going to be carried off by obesity related diabetes long before bowel cancer gets the chance to have a go. We all know eating 3 packs of bacon a week is bad for you but don’t go making stupid suggestions like ‘replace them with lentils’, that’s just not realistic.

.Dr Rosemary Leonard says the risks associated with eating a lot of red meat are “very clear” – the risks of getting in my car and getting on the road are very clear, the risks of having a stressful job are very clear, the risks of existing in the modern world are very clear. If we alter our entire existences on the basis of avoiding shit that’s dangerous or bad for us we’ll have no fun at all, mealtimes will be miserable and at the end of it, we’ll live to be 107, eking out our days in a nursing home with other ancient mad people who are boring and grumpy. Where the hell is the advantage to living until you’re incapable of functioning normally and doing things for yourself? Plus, you’re still guaranteed to die at the end of it. Must remember to email Harvard Medical School and let them know that…..

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4 Responses

  1. I’d like to know where they found a study group of over 120,000 people with exactly the same genetics, upbringing, and health record since birth.

    (Oh … and feel free to upload a scanned picture of your arse any time …)

  2. I think they only published that to spoil Steal & BJ Day.

    • What is this steak and BJ day that I heard so much about? People were talkign about it at work and I think I must have missed the beginning of the conversation because I was entirely mystified….

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