Things which are stupid today.

Today, all the members of my team received an invite to a ‘safe digging forum’ from Corporate Wankery’s ‘Safe Digging Champion’. All the members except me. I was the only name not included on the invite list. So, he’s now on my ‘There are no limits to the number of ways in which you can go fuck yourself’ list. This links in with the HSE Director’s ‘thank you’ emails to each of the guys for their weekly inspection reports. Did I get a thank you? No. I got nothing. So, if he isn’t going to acknowledge them then I’m not going to send them. It really is that simple. I didn’t like the idea of having to fill in a sheet to state exactly where I’d been all week, what I’d seen there and what I’d done about it anyway.  If he doesn’t like it, he can feel free to email me to let me know and I will promptly ignore it. I’m beginning to think that perhaps the warning I was given by someone way back at the start that Corporate Wankery aren’t really very keen on women in roles that don’t comprise solely of filing and counting paperclips might be true. If I was intending to stay here for any length of time this might be an issue but since I’m planning to stay for precisely as long as it takes me to find alternative employment and work out my notice, it isn’t altering my sleep pattern too drastically. To be honest, I’ve given more thought to the fact that my toenails need repainting. Possibly I offended the ‘Safe Digging Champion’ when he asked whether we risk assess every man before he digs each hole and I laughed, assuming he was joking. Big silence descended round meeting table. He wasn’t. Oops. That’ll be a no laddy, we don’t. Never mind. It’s not as big a fuck up as after the meeting when The Boss and I were discussing how one of our co-workers had turned from a top bloke to a corporate wanker since Corporate Wankery took over. He had definitely still been in the boardroom when we left it. He was not when we left The Boss’s office, he was in his office, which adjoins The Boss’s office. And from the reasonably impressive death stare he gave us, he’s quite clearly heard every single word. Oops again. Still, perhaps it’s better that he knows, after all everyone in the company is calling him a corporate twat and no one wants that. It’s like the theory that if you have a colleague who smells of old cheese, it may be mortifying to tell them but it’s the kinder thing to do.

So now I’m off to hide under my desk because the Group Director, who is exceedingly cross with me for something that mercifully this time wasn’t my fault, has just announced he is coming to visit The Boss and she has advised me to be very quiet and pretend I’m not here. Just another day in the Batcave of Insanity that is this office…


6 Responses

  1. Sounds like a lovely, stress-free working environment. Can’t think for one moment why you’d want to bin it. 😉 Anyway, sounds like you could quit and then claim constructive dismissal on the grounds of sexual discrimination and bullying via marginalisation. If you could be arsed with all the bureaucracy, which from reading your marvellous witty descriptions of all that’s wrong with the modern workplace I suspect you aren’t. 😀

  2. You mean that in England they let women do more than count paper clips!


  3. Working in a corporate wankery, I feel your pain. Not as a women who doesn’t count paper clips, but as a witness to stupid initiatives, butt-hurt feelings and the stupid, passive-aggressive tricks that come from them to the corporate statements that are suppsoed to represent our beliefs and goals that have next to zero correlation to how we actually operate.

    In fact, we told one of the upper-mucks from corporate how we felt about his new initiatives and he basically told us we sucked and should talk to him when we sucked less. So, we developed a way to suck less and now he wants credit for it. Pffft! Keep hammering away at them, they’ll chip down eventually or at least the next time they run across a *gasp* woman in their midst, they’ll think twice before opening their yaps.

  4. At least the corporate wanker discussion was with your boss … All sounds very, very tedious. ‘Safe Digging Champion’? WTF will they think of next? A ‘Qualified Quilted Bog Roll Changer’? My favourite quote from a cw to this day was in one of Jando’s blog entries when the cw in question bellowed ‘Right! Let’s double-click on that thought!’ Good grief.

    • “Let’s run that up the flagpole and see if it flutters” – or, worse, “Can I run this up your flagpole and see if it flutters.”

      Give me strength! ::)

  5. Yes, time to find happier pastures. Let them stew.

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